The Three

Kelly

Dear Diary,
What is the point of this book? I mean, I have a phone I can use. My stupid therapist decided it would be "good for my health to start a diary". Well, I say bullshit to that. Okay, not really because If that's how I felt I wouldn't be writing in this. It might actually help. I haven't cut myself since I started this thing. Well, given the fact that I started a couple minutes ago and the last time I cut was thirty minutes ago.

Maybe I should write down the reason I felt the need to cut. It might help me "reflect on my actions" as Dr. Williams put it.

Michael, this insanely hot guy in the senior class, sat with me at lunch today. I thought it was kind of odd because he never talks to me or even acknowledges my existence for that matter.

"Hey Kelly. Can I ask you something?" He looked like he was gonna pass out.

"Yeah, sure. I guess," I really wasn't in the mood to hear some bullshit drama but I had nothing else better to do.

"When did you know you were a lesbian?" He said as he hid his face in his hands.

"Freshman year...why?"

"I think I'm gay," he said as he began to tear up.

I wanted to laugh and laugh and laugh until I died, but I'm a good person.

"What makes you say that?" I said as I choked on my laughter.

"Well, every time I look at Dylan I get red and he's all I can ever think about. I mean," his voice goes to a whisper, "I think about him when I jack off. Is that weird?"

I wanted to say, "Yeah, it's weird because:
1. You're straight, and
2. Dylan has a girlfriend.

But instead I said, "Why are you talking to me about this?"

"I don't know. I guess because you're a lesbian and you get along with everyone. Sorry if I bothered you."

You would think that since I've had a crush on him for two years now I would be nicer to him, but now, realizing that he's gay, I feel betrayed.

Writing this down makes me feel stupid. I cut myself because I found out a guy I like is gay. I have a problem. Sometimes I wish I was different person. I wish I was a normal girl who likes One Direction and Justin Bieber. Who likes the color pink and wears too much makeup. Who flirts with all the hot guys. But my mom gave birth to an abnormal girl. A girl who likes other girls. Who's obsessed with drugs and alcohol.

A girl who wants to be dead more than anything in the world.

-Your favorite person,
Kelly