June 27th, 2009
Over and over I told myself no. No, I cannot be with you. No, I cannot fall for you. And no, I cannot write you. I kept saying no so much, it didn't sound like a word anymore.
I desperately want to maintain the normal life I have. It's mundane, but it is the life I desire. I want to keep the peace and consistency I have. I'd love to be able to walk on the beach without being glanced at or go to the grocery store without complication. I want to be a regular person.
But I find myself also wanting you. I want to see you again. I want to be able to touch you and talk to you. I can't keep saying no to you.
When my mother died, I closed my heart. I took care of her after she gotten her Parkinson's disease diagnosis. A disease that not many understand. Her health went down slowly. First, she'd forget something such as an appointment or misplace her keys. Then, she'd start to have falls that placed her in the hospital. Or she'd scream and call the cops because she didn't know who I was. Before she died, she couldn't even speak. She couldn't say goodbye. Even if she could, she wouldn't know who she was supposed to say goodbye to. I was nobody to her by the time she died. Just a stranger. I promised myself that I would never open my heart up again to be left again.
Then you appeared into my life. Each letter you signed with the uttermost love opened my heart. You made me feel the warmth and love that my mother used to make me feel. I want to keep that. Even if it'll cost the normalcy I want.
I hope you still want us, too.
With love,
Elaine xo
YOU ARE READING
With Love ◛ Michael Jackson
FanfictionAfter the death of an aspiring writer's mother, she sends letters to her void address to cope. But what she doesn't know is the address is occupied and that her letters have been read by someone else until he writes back. This Is It era Afro British...
