Thought's

Help

Have you ever felt like you have been seen... but not really actually being seen. Like people can physically see you but they can't mentally see you... well the YOU right now. The you that you feel like is not the usually you but the you that is currently you for the time being.

It can be Indescribable for the most part, but you know at the end of the day no Fuck that at the beginning of the day it is not Truly YOU. And it's crazy because some people say "O you hide it so we'll." Or "Really I couldn't even tell." But you know what really gets under my skin "I had a feeling but I didn't want to say anything" Like what the hell...

Especially someone that you thought was close to you and I'm just not talking about FAMILY. Family... wow that's a big word for me but we will come back to that. As I was saying what is calling out for help. What does it look like or feel like...
Do you ever feel like asking for help but don't know how too. Or do you ever feel like you have to pen point the problem before you actually decide to ask for help.

Maybe it's just me but sometimes I feel like I don't want to ask for help because I don't want to be judged or feel like something is wrong with me... But I also feel like it's ok to say I am not ok. Life's not perfect shit PEOPLE are not perfect.
For me it's easier to help people with there problems then ask people for help. It's probably sad for some of you guys to hear that but it's the truth. I love hearing people out and try to get an understanding on the way they think of things even if it may seem minor to them. It may take them weeks, month, or hell maybe even years just to talk me though the things they went through or are currently going through. I feel honored that they choose me to be that person they can trust to come to whenever they feel like they need just someone to listen. I may only have known that person for a few days but they just say the vibe I give off makes them just want to have any Conversation with me. Some of the people I have had conversation with though out the years, even through social media. But when it's the other way around and I need help or just someone to talk to ... it gives me a different feeling. Like an overwhelming feeling. Like a feeling of being burden to someone . And when I said that I mean SELFISH. Like I'm over here thinking about my problems when some where else somebody may be going through something worse.

One thing I know for sure is I will always put my love ones first and I mean that from the bottom of my heart no matter what. It makes me feel good to make other people feel good even if it's something little. You can do the same things every day with some of the same people but still feel out of place . . .