thaila
"look daddy, mommy got me a baby alive!" our daughter squealed happy as ever. I wiped the tear coming from my eye and threw a smile on my face.
All i wanted was for her to be happy and live the life i never got to have as a kid. "you like it baby? i knew you would like it." i smiled widely and she hugged me tightly
I looked up at jah to see him looking dead at me with no emotion on his face. It's like he didn't wanna be here but i thank him for letting me see her.
"you can play with anything you want it's all yours." i told her and she jumped up and down making jahseh chuckle. "I'm gonna play with my dollies first." she gasped picking them up.
I stood up and looked up at jahseh. "t-thank you so much for letting me see her jah, i'll leave you be for the rest of the week i promise." i told him and walked out her room and into my dining room
I started going through my mail and came across my rent bill. damn and it's red. I started to tear up from all this stress that's been weighing me down.
I can barely feed myself, my job doesn't pay that much, i can barely see my daughter, and she's not even supposed to even see me.
I sat it aside and then heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen making me wipe my eyes quickly. I opened my phone and acted like i was scrolling through it.
"what's on your mind." he asked making my head snap at him. "I'm fine jahseh but again thank you for-for letting me see her i appreciate it." i sighed out and smiled at him.
"your lying." he said and walked up to me. "all these years and i can still read yo ass like a book, now what's wrong." he asked again
I started to aggitated. He's acting like shits normal and sugar coated. "well when i don't have custody of my daughter and can barely feed myself or keep up with bills you can guess I'm running insane." i spoke aggressively
"and your the unfit parent that isn't my issue." he shrugged and i sighed out and shook my leg. I've let this man disrespect me for yearss now and it stops today. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but now, i'm done.
"you know what jah? you can go and kiss another bitches ass because i wasn't the one who cheated. I wasn't the one who got immature and decided to get custody, because i moved on from you! I'm the mother of my'asia not just you! you've been selfish ever since i met yo dumb ass and i regret ever being with you."
"the fuck you just say?"
"you fucking heard me. you make me sick jahseh. you won't even let me be in my babies life because you wanna be selfish. and that isn't fair to me, OR our child. I'm the one sitting in this house crying my eyes out. You publicly embarrassed me and that shit you pulled in court was some bullshit!" i said pointing at him
"I'm sick and tired of being disrespected like i'm not human. I was there with you through thick and thin. I carried OUR child for 9 months. So you don't understand what type of pain i went through, mentally and physically. i guess you didn't keep your promise." i cried out.
He tried to grab me but i dodged him and walked off back to my'asia's room. "mommy i need help- are you ok mommy?" she asked me standing infront of me with a new toy still in it's box.
"I'm ok baby, mommies fine. Let me help you with that hm?" i smiled and she nodded looking unsure.
jahseh
I sighed out and ran my hand down my face. She's completly right. I did all of this, all because i wanted to be selfish
I wasn't thinking when i got custody i was just thinking that getting custody would hurt her more for leaving me, all over a mistake i made
Stokeley even cussed me out and stopped talking to me completely in result of me getting custody. I caused all of this. She's been sitting in this house drowning in tears that i should've been wiping away.
Fuck i feel like a failure. almost everyone cut me off, and now i see why. I even wanted to put a ring on it, but now i see that won't happen. I just want this pain to stop, i want her to stop roaming my thoughts, but instead i just put my pain on the woman who i wanted to spend my life with
I looked down at her phone to see her wallpaper. It was a picture she sent me when she was 6 months pregnant. I smiled at it, realizing how much i fucked up and could've made things between me and her better instead of worse
instead i pushed her away and drove her to suicide
creds to anyone who had this idea. idk what this is 🤷♂️😭
