Abhor

Chapter Nine

Elliot Horan

We board the plane, the boys all sit together but I want to be by myself so i take myself to the furthest seat away.

I plug my earphones into my ears and let I wanna be yours play through them. Niall let me use his phone for the plane journey when I said mine was dead. Music has always helped me. It's an escape of some sort.

Sometimes the lyrics or just the instruments speak to you and it's so calming, so soothing. Music is officially better than any people I've met.

The plane takes off and I can feel myself falling asleep again. I'm so drained after this morning.  I didn't mean for that to happen, I've never broke down like that before. I hate it. I hate that I let it get to that point. Everything was so built up and I couldn't do anything to stop it. Harry is an asshole. He's a complete dick. I hate him with a passion.

He had no right to blurt to Niall, yet he did anyway. And what the fuck is he involved in that makes him so dangerous.

He can't know about Tony, he just can't. If he finds out we are all done for. I don't know what I'll do. I'm not even bothered about myself, if he kills me, cool, bonus, but I can't let anything happen to Niall.

The muffled voices get quieter and quieter as I drift off into sleep. The one other thing that acts as a distraction.

....

"Elle, come on wake up, you need to drink something, and probably eat too." Zayn's voice intrudes my dream as I open my eyes. He's stood there with a glass of water and a bowl. It has fruit in it.

"Zayn thank you, but I'm really not hungry." I say, I take the water and drink it slowly, he stands there until i'm done.

"Please, just try and eat, I know it's hard, but you'll be okay." He pushes the bowl towards me and sits on the seat next to me.

"Okay." I say it with a soft smile looking at him. His features are so captivating, his jaw line sharp, his eyes are so welcoming.

"Look, Elle, I don't know what's gone on in your life, I don't know how to help you. But if you need to talk to someone, I'm always here, I won't tell the others, it'll be our secret until you're comfortable." His words are soft and understanding, I nod my head in response. "Also, whatever it is that's bothering you, please don't stop eating. It's so important for you and you'll regret not eating. So go on, eat a bit."

I take a few bites, it did make me feel slightly better, Zayn stayed sat next to me.

"So what have you been doing at school? You seem like you're rather intelligent." Zayn speaks after a few minutes in silence.

"Well, I was taking chemistry and maths. I hated it, it didn't really matter anyway I barely went to college. I stayed home or went to this field right near our house. It was such a nice place." I spoke back to him, "I was failing both subjects anyway, probably from the extended time I had off."

"Well, if you didn't enjoy it, at least you had an excuse to drop it." He's still supportive. "Maybe you should take this break to pursue something you really want to do. What is your passion?"

"I really really love music. Me and Niall used to spend so much time in the garage, playing guitar and piano, writing really bad songs." I look at Zayn who is taking in my every word, offering me a soft smile. "It was always so fun and then when Niall left, I'd play the guitar by myself. It was an escape and then I just stopped."

I'm not prepared to tell Zayn why I stopped, the truth is Tony smashed up all our instruments when he was completely high our if his mind. He said I should stop being childish and get into something useful, that night he took everything I had to do with music, I cried for a week.

"How come you stopped?" Zayn speaks again, slightly quieter than the rest of our conversation. I took that as a signal to open up if I want to. I don't want to.

"I don't know, I guess every time I did I just thought of Niall, it made me upset." I shrugged it off, quite believably may I add.

"Yeah I get that, you can still get back into it now though." He smiles at me again, "I'm sure we can get you a guitar from somewhere."

...

We got off the plane into the America heat. I hate the hot weather, it always puts me in a bad mood and I'm not too sure why.

Me and Zayn have been together all afternoon talking and joking. He's honestly made this journey so much better. I know the jet lag is going to hit soon though.

I need to ring mum at some point though, I keep putting it off. I know she's safe but I can't stand listening to her talk through the phone, knowing what she's going through by herself.

Rehab must be an awful place, but she needs and deserves the help she's getting. And soon we'll be able to visit her, that's what Niall says anyway.

He's not allowed to say too much because it's "confidential" but I don't understand why he's allowed to know and I'm not.

Whatever, it's fine, we'll be at the hotel soon and I can finally have time to myself, I bought a new book and still not had chance to read it.

"Elle get ready! We are going to sound check." Niall shouts from the living room. We are in an apartment again, similar to the one in London.

I told him I wasn't going to sound check. He needs to understand I'll be okay by myself. But he doesn't. He never understands stuff like that he's too protective.

"I'm not going!" I yell from my room. I don't have to shout aggressively, just speak slightly louder than usual.

"Fine! But don't leave. I've not got time to be worrying about you." He speaks again, a hint of understanding in his tone. "If you're hungry order some food from room service. I'll see you later!"

"Bye Ni!" I shout don't to him and I hear the elevator doors open and close, signalling they've left.

I pull on my shoes and a sweater, I always feel more comfortable covering my arms. When I was at school people used to say I had chicken skin because I had slight bumps, raises and blemishes on them.

Nothing worked to get rid of them so I just cover them when I can.

I notice there's a wallet on the side, it must be Niall's, I open it and see $100 just sitting there. That should be enough.

I slip the money into my pocket and leave the room. The boys have been gone for a good fifteen minutes which should give me enough time to run to the music shop I saw when we were driving to the hotel.