parting ways

one week

Nate' p.o.v

Destery has been gone a week now its getting harder everyday knowing that hes not coming threw the the front door and telling me about some weird thing that happened in a store. i miss him more then ever. Blake has been staying with me. it helps hes such a great friend he even talked about moving to the states. that would be cool. at least someone didn't want to get away from me as soon as possible. i often found myself rereading old texts watching our videos and watching what hes posted since he moved over and over again caves of ice is the only song i listen to. i was the first one he showed that song to. i just want him to be back here with me I'm getting the nightmares again the ones i haven't had since i was 18. I've been sleeping with Blake he doesn't seem to mind. i know it sounds wired were two men in our early 20"s sleeping together but its not that bad. hes gentle with me he understands how much i hurt how much i miss destery. he try's not to bring him up. yesterday his phone went off i looked at it and it showed he had a text from destery. i didn't want to read it i couldn't bring myself to. I'm a mess i haven't eaten i sleep almost all day i haven't made any new videos my life is spiraling down. fast. Blake walked into my room and laid on the bed with me. "Nate you need to eat something please." "I'm not hungry Blake." he sighed i put my head on his chest and held him tight i found myself in the position a lot lately it not really a bad thing. Blake lifted mt chin so i was looking up at him. he pulled me closer. his lips brushed against mine. a shock went threw my body. Blake kissed me but the weird thing was i kissed back. he parted from me and i looked into his eyes. "Blake i.." he cut me off " I'm sorry Nate i don't know why i did that. you should text destery. i know you know we've been talking." he left the room. i pulled out my phone and started to type.   N: I miss you desdes.within seconds my phone went off. D: i miss you to Nateo. N: I'm sorry i said all that stuff i didn't mean any of it. D: neither did. N: I'm having the nightmares again. D: how often. N:every night since you left I've been sleeping with Blake but its not helping. D: I'm so sorry Nate i wish i was there. N: hows it going down there anyways. D: not the best maybe you were right i don't think this was a good idea. N: i know I'm always right. D: Blake told me your not eating is it because of me. N: i haven't don't much of anything since you left. D: please eat. N: i haven't been hungry. D: hungry or not eat please. N: i wish you would come back home Blake is leaving soon i don't think i can do it on my own. D: Nate your strong you can do anything hey i have to go my phone is going to die. N: fair winds desdes. D:fair winds Nateo