Reincarnation, past memories
And he remembers death as if it were real. He remembers the pain he caused and he carries all their sins, as nobody else remembers.
This time, his new life, is different. A loving family that can afford to treat Louis and Albert as his real brother this time. He's still as loving and caring, but a lot more laid back, certainly happier. So is Louis. And it seems that William is the only one who isn't doing fine.
One of his few enjoyable hobbies become finding his old friends and adopting them. Or that was how his mother referred to the growing amount of people who were always at their house. His parents didn't mind, their friends were all polite and even helped around the house. Although his father wondered why would a high schooler hang out with 6th graders, their mother told him Sebastian was Albert's friend. Now his father wondered why a high schooler would hang out with a bunch of 6th graders and a middle schooler.
But people notice; as William realized early on, and that was why they are easy on him. He maintains good grades and is liked by most people, but he's distant. Disinterested. Sad, even. Maybe he's just jealous of all his friends and their new lives. Sebastian never had to go to war, James has had an easier time being who he wants to be, Fred is more socialized and doesn't need to learn to survive. It's not as if their lives are easy, but they're normal young people.
And William lays awake in bed, remembering the horrible sensation of death, terrified for the day it'll come to take away his loved ones once again.
"Will, you should try something different!" James says, and William agrees. Although his degree in mathematics is no longer recognized, it doesn't change the fact that he's already got one. Louis says maybe he should hold on for a year and travel. Albert disagrees, saying William could get interested in a cult in a different country and come back three years later, with a suspicious amount of money and a weird tattoo. They all laugh, but it's true that William's open to trying almost anything. He got into every competition he could during high school just to silence his mind. He just wanted something to do. It did good for his university application, though.
But while thinking of his interest, there's a name that keeps repeating in his mind, and he makes up his mind. Wanting to get closer to the image that name once presented.
He ends up getting a criminology degree. But he ends up getting it a little too early. Apparently, being a criminal once makes it easier to understand them.
As time goes on, so do the people. James moves in with his girlfriend, Albert suddenly inherits an enormous amount of money from a grandmother he didn't know existed and decides to take care of their parents. William thinks he might be a little lonely, maybe the last time he was alone for too long traumatized him, and it's proven by how often he asks his brothers to move in with him and their parents. Both refuse, although Louis moves into an apartment only two blocks away.
And William stands where life tells him to. He lives somewhere near the university, he spends his weekends with books and tv shows, but he doesn't get better. He finds himself obsessing over a new series each week and constantly zoning out. He daydreams a lot. He dreams of a man with no face, only a name he sees in the history books and tv shows. His once lover is now 'in public domain' and they do whatever they want with the name. It's laughable, he wished he could see the man's face after watching one of those movies. And he sinks in deeper, he's drowning in the sea of his own thoughts and there is no rescue.
He has nightmares quite regularly. It varies between his child self with a knife in hand, murdering their parents; to his adult self in that past life, slicing someone's throat with a sword. He mostly wakes up crying, shaking, sometimes he wakes up because he needs to vomit. He sleeps with an empty stomach, but he wishes he could throw up all the guilt. He tells no one, he doesn't call Louis like he's supposed to when he's having panic attacks. He doesn't try therapy, how is he supposed to explain nightmares from a different life? They would lock him up.
It's fine, it never affects his daily life- until it does.
He doesn't know what it is. A familiar face, or a certain memory triggered by... something. He has to sit down, in the middle of the street, shaking and unable to move. He needs to get away, people are staring, he needs to throw up, he needs to cry, he needs-
"Hey! You okay?" It's the voice of a man, too familiar, too dreamy. William can't breathe. He's scared to look up and be disappointed. He gasps as the guy grabs onto him and helps him up. "Hold on, let's get into my car first. This probably isn't comfortable." And William just follows the man smelling like cigarettes and ashes. He doesn't even know how they got in the car. The guy just drives away from the crowd, far enough for no one else to be staring.
"Yeah, anyway do you wanna go to the hospital or- LIAM?!" Upon hearing the name, William has no choice but to look up. He thinks he probably looks pathetic, his eyes are teary and he's having a hard time breathing. And oh, it is Sherlock Holmes. Because, of course it is. "Sherly..." He barely manages, there's suddenly too much oxygen, he's breathing too much, or he's not breathing at all. He can't decide.
Sherlock leans closer. "You remember..." He puts his right hand on William's wet cheek and suddenly, everything's okay. Everything's calm. He's alright. "So do you," William whispers. "I thought I was the only one," Sherlock whispers back.
"So did I."
"I wanted to punch Mycroft because he remembered nothing!" William giggles, Sherlock has never failed to make him feels better. "Nor did my brothers."
"I thought I'd never see you again."
"I opened my eyes every day hoping to meet you again."
"Bastard," Sherlock laughs. "You flirt like we're in the 1800s." William can't help but smirk. "Don't you like that, Mr. Holmes?" They both laugh at that. Or maybe they are crying. The line's blurry. The car's small and it smells of drugs and something like a leftover sandwich. William's suddenly aware of Sherlock's appearance. He's dressed exactly how you expect him to, casual and comfortable jacket over a shirt which is clearly his only clean one left. William's wearing a white dress shirt and black pants, maybe they're both predictable.
"You're not seeing anyone, right?" Sherlock suddenly sits up, stepping back a bit and ready for an answer. "A master of useless questions as always. Do I look like I am?"
"You're too much of a catch to be single."
"I could certainly say the same things to you, my dear Sherly." Sherlock giggles at that, he's relieved. He thinks he might've gone insane spending another year without Liam. Maybe he would've been okay if he hadn't met someone like Liam. But now that he knew, he craved to be with him. And here he is, as wrecked as Sherlock himself, as broken as he used to be.
And maybe, Sherlock hopes, this time they won't need to watch each other die in the worst way possible. Maybe this time, they could be alright.
