Here I was a happy energetic kindergarten kid. Loving every day life with my dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. I was the youngest of three children having a brother and the oldest was my sister. My class was going to see a native indian in the school auditorium. I was quite the class clown even at this school level. As the class sat down me and a few friends were putting the palms of our hand and smacking our mouths sounding like what we thought were indian sounds. And then we heard a deep voice coming from the stage. SHHHHH my teacher said to us. It's about to start. Hi my name is John. I am a native indian from the Cree tribe. He went on and on about the history of indians. But i was more interested sticking my gum under my seat. Until I heard him chant. It was nothing like I have ever heard before. It was creepy, sad and scary and beautiful all at the same time. It was moving me. I started getting a tingling feeling in my body and I found myself staring into the Indians man eyes. I could not turn my head. I could not move I felt paralyzed. The chanting started to get silent but not completely. I could still here this man chanting and chanting. Then my eye started to feel very strange. I started to see everything in a green fuss, a moss or something. It was getting worse and I could not move or speak or do anything I felt powerless. Then the chanting stopped and I was able to see the whole Auditorium in detail and everything was covered in green moss. I was able to look to the left, right, and the most strangest was behind me. I was able to see in every direction at once. Then I heard JUSTIN JUSTIN. And my teacher was snapping her fingers in front of my face saying we are leaving now let's go wake up. I had no concept of time or anything I felt a little empty and scared. I was to tell no one of this. I was going to not make a fool of myself and say what happened to me for the fear of everyone laughing at me and my teacher telling my parents about it. So I didn't say anything. I didn't feel any different after this happened to . But how was I supposed to know what was to happen in the next few days. He I was in art class. The teacher wanted us to make our parents something out of clay - pottery. I gave it a lil thought and I said I would like to make my mom an ashtray for her cigarettes. This was not strange for parents to do in front of their children back when I was a kid. Now it is very frowned apone. So I started making this ashtray when I started hearing these birds chirping and said to my friend is there a bird in here or something I hear it and it's really close. My friend danny said your crazy justin the windows are closed and I hear nothing. Then it started getting louder and I started to see the green moss again. I was fighting it stop I was so scared. I'm fighting and fighting and then it stopped. Just like that. I didn't know how long It was happening but no one seemed to notice what happened so I just kept on making the ashtray for my mother. I felt like I knew what I wanted to do with the clay. I was molding it with ease. I felt like I had some sort of instinct to make something. And there it was all finished. I have made something I was so so proud of for my mother. Even my teacher said that is outstanding. I was a proud boy that could not wait to bring this ashtray to my mother. I also painted it with strange lines on it. I felt like an artist. But what was I to know what I acually made. And still I told nobody about my green moss world.
CHARTER 2
The Spirit Guides
The years went by fast for me as a child. I had amazing loving parents and life.we were not rich in money but very rich with love and acceptance. But one day I received news that my father had a heart attack and almost died. I was enormously scared shit to loose the best man in my life luckily he survived and i was very thankful for this. I did not have much belief in anything to serious. I just wanted to be a kid and have fun. A few years of change came ahead. I learned a lot of how hard my mom & dad worked to keep food on our table every night and a roof over our heads. I was to help out with everything they asked of me no matter what. We were always so worried about my father getting sick again that we were blind sided of the news that made my heart feel heavy with black tar. My mother was diagnosed with cancer. She would be in the fight for her life at this point on. I felt an anger that I had never felt before. My mother battled this cancer for about three years until I was woken to my brother Joseph telling me mom passed away... I felt an ager that went outside of my soul from my belly. I immediately started punching the siding of my house until my hand broke. I felt nothing. My soul was taken. My mother the women who I came from has left. This was the hardest thing I had ever felt in my human life to this day. And I'm 40 with 3 beautiful children at this present time. I was a zombie. I felt no life. I was empty and lifeless. I was presentable for the services of my loving mother. I was raised to be strong and have respect. But waited till all the services ended and passes by for what I was gona do about how I felt. I was not a religious man but I blamed god on what happened to my mother. I was on a mission to know where my mother went. So one night I was loaded on boosem. Drunk as could be. I felt the need to go to the church of where my mother's funeral was. I stared at the church for about an hour. Anger filled me. I got on my hands and knees and cursed god. I said I want to know where my mother is. Take me now and show me. It started pouring. Thunder and lighting. I kept saying this over and over with anger not caring about anything. for the next two years I swallowed every ounce of boosem I could get my hands on. I was 19 when my mother passed.
