A mother's call

Call of a mother

I don't know since when, but I was floating in a warm pool of water, so safe, so cozy, so warm. I could listen to a familiar sound talking to me everyday. That was like forever. But one day as if someone broke my dream and when I opened my eyes, I had lost my only companion, I was nowhere, crying bitterly n then I felt the same warmth. Warmth of my mother. This was the first time I saw her, I felt her. She was so beautiful. As she took me close to her heart I could feel her love beating fast and I saw a little pool of water fell on me from her big eyes.

Since then I don't know how, but time flew fast, very fast. My whole world revolved around my mother, laughing, crying, fighting. I felt so safe with her. I always wanted to be like her. The way she brought me up, the way she treated me like a princess, the way she loved me. Life was so perfect. It couldn't be any better.

And then on one fine day, my mother married me off to a very nice gentleman, a very warm hearted person. I couldn't be more grateful to Almighty Allah. Days passed in fun and frolic. I didn't even realize that I was past 35 and it was high time I had my own family. And we decided to see a nice doctor. We were happy enough. But a few days later my doctor called me to say, I have a rare disease and I could never be a mother.

I couldn't hear what she just said. I said, "sorry, come again." She says," no, I'm sorry to say, you can never be a mother." I laughed,"I know you are joking ". She said, "Aalia, listen to me. You have a rare disease and you can never become a mother." Shocked and confused I stood up and started walking away. I ran faster ignoring the calls behind me. I know its a dream and I'm going to wake up soon. I kept running until I stumbled and fell down. I couldn't carry me anymore. As if something was ripping me apart, it was so painful. I was crying out loud, screaming. "It can't happen to me. Noooo. There must be some solution. No one can just come to me n tell I can never be a mother. Nooo, its a lie. "And there was a blackout.

When I opened my eyes, I realised I was unconscious for 1 full day. I was on medication for next one month. It was hard to get back to self. Because this was the first time I felt grief. It took me months together to accept the fact. To add on I lost my mother. My beautiful life became stagnant and stinky. It seemed dark everywhere n i was like a blind. All this while, my husband was a big support though I didn't realize as I had drowned myself in sorrows.

But my mother's demise told me the unspoken. I had always wanted to be optimistic and strong like her. So it was time now. I decided to go for morning walk. So my first day was good. While returning home, I saw a little girl sitting in a small garden, around 3 years crying. I could feel the ache of a mother, which died before taking birth, within me. I couldn't resist n went to the girl. Then I found out it was an orphanage and the girl was crying because she wanted her mother.

On hearing this my eyes welled up and I asked where is her mother. To this the caretaker replied, "her mother died after giving birth. And she is crying because her best friend found new parents n she left the orphanage. N now she wants a mother." After hearing this I ran away from there. It was as if Allah made me go for morning walk so that I meet this lil girl. I narrated everything to my husband and he suggested we should think about adoption. I felt so happy as if he read my mind.

The next morning we went to the orphanage and expressed our desire to adopt the girl. To this the caretaker became silent and showed me other kids. I insisted on adopting her only. After a long silence, the caretaker said, Ammar is suffering from AIDS and she doesn't have much time with her. My voice got choked and I couldn't even hear myself. I turned to my husband with pleading eyes. In the whole world I don't know why but I wanted her only. We went back home empty handed. We didn't speak to each other for next 2 days. I kind of made myself understand that my husband has been supportive all this while n now I should accept if he doesn't want Ammaar. I tried being normal but I was losing myself. There was one ray of hope of being a mother that to I lost it.

After a week, it was 1st Nov, my birthday. My husband wished me and asked me what I wanted for birthday gift. I said nothing and walked away. Then my door bell rung and my husband said,"your gift is behind the door ". Not even listening to him, I went to the kitchen. I heard the door open and a few seconds later someone called me,"Mama, I'm home".

I turned, in shock, to see Ammaar. My husband had adopted Ammaar. My happiness knew no bounds. After a yearful of painful journey I was a mother now. Though not a real mother. We were destined to meet. Ammaar had completed us and we were very happy with each other. She taught me to live, be happy and to accept life as it comes.

Since then I never looked back.

Ammaar stayed with us for 6 months and then she chose to return to Allah. We didn't cry, didn't mourn her demise. Because she taught me to live and love.. It has been 1 year we are running an orphanage in her name. We are happy very happy.... Though Ammaar is not with us, she still lives in our hearts.

Today is 1st May, the day when Ammaar left us. Its last page of my diary. I'm going to meet her soon. Remember, I was diagnosed with a rare disease.