Angsty Bucky fanfic

Nightmare

(Ship = WinterFalcon)
Listen to the song heaven knows I'm miserable now by the smiths whilst reading this chapter.

The splintered floor was slick beneath my fingers - thick, scarlet liquid oozing under my nails. Harsh leather beat into my skin shredding the flesh, and with each strike sending me a step closer to unconsciousness. The dark pressed heavy against every side of me, I know I should fight it but fear crept into every inch of my mind. This couldn't be happening, not again. I wouldn't be able to survive a second time. I swallow down the pain, I can't cry, can't scream, can't show weakness. That's when Rumlow came for me his wicked eyes boring into my head, malicious smile taunting. "ты провалил зиму", another beat spraying my blood across the floor
"ты не потерпишь неудачу"
He pushes his fingers into the peeling skin on my back. Choking on the pain I groan and trying to roll away, I'm pulled fiercely back into position.
"протри его", the words send tremors down my spine and as I fight against the guards holding me down.They were there in my head, inescapable, unavoidable. I screamed, begging them to stop.

I awoke, sheets soaked through with sweat and my own scream ringing in my ears. I gasp for air, my air ways blocked leaving me unable to breathe like a fish out of water. I could still feel the sticky blood on my back, the endless rythm of the whip tearing at my muscle and tendons. My chest tight with unmistakable anxiety, fear that they would find me and drag me back to that hell. I couldn't go back, I wouldn't go back, never.

The patter of feet echoed down the hall a head inches round the door and a meek voice, one that reminded me of Steve when he was that age, whispered to me "Are you ok daddy, have you had the dream again?". My heart throbs at her, she's so much like her father, kind, caring and selfless. I hate that I have to burden her with my broken mind.

"Come here poppet," I signalled to the space next to me on the bed, "I'm gonna be just fine, yeah I had the dream again but it's gonna be ok. Don't worry about me, don't worry about anything." she looks at me with her big doe eyes, their caramel irises watering up.

"I'm scared." The little girl muttered to me, looking at me through glossy eyes - she'd clearly been crying. I pulled her in to me, conscious to use my non-metal arm as to not hurt her, and let her sob on my shoulder. She shuffles around on me trying to get comfortable clinging onto my left arm, I can't help but let out a small smile, she's one of the few people that makes me feel like I'm human. Her tiny body wracks with sobs as I pull her even closer.

"You're dad is gonna be ok, I promise. He always comes back safe from missions, doesn't he?" She nodded against me and I continued "So nothing is going to happen to him."

Secretly I too was scared that Sam would get hurt or he wouldn't come home. I was scared he would leave me alone in this world too like everyone else did - Steve, my sisters and brother, my parents, everyone - and if he left me too I'd be left with our daughter, and I don't know if I could raise her all on my own. I looked down at her and knew I would try, for her.