BEWILDERED

chapter two

i couldn't think .. what should do ? ..
how do i .. ?
what do i .. ?
my mind was full of thoughts ..
who should I fall for ..?
cassidy or ryan .. ?
or both.
No i wouldn't do anything like that ..
but i already lost my virginity to Ryan ..
I really shouldn't ..
but I can ..
who's stopping me .. ?
but i already caused problems..
just like that my mind went blank and you fell asleep feeling draining and hungry .

Time : 9:18
you wake up .. no one's home ..
im alone mentally and physically.. 
i even used my pillows to act as if someone is next to me

5 DAYS GO PASS !!
im sitting in the shower .. just standing there thinking ..
over thinking .. soon i snap back into reality and shower while i wash and scrub and oil my skin .
I get out and jumped into my bed drained and exhausted .. while on the edge of falling asleep, i received a message on instagram

TEXT MESSAGE FROM @okryanhyunh
i miss you .. can you come please

is he serious .. does he not care about what happened ?  how come he's talking to me, what happened ? why does he miss me so much ? .. my mind filled up like a soda can , without thinking i got up out of curiosity.
i threw on shorts and a long tee with slides, my bracelets filled the areas noise .
I sprayed perfume and walked to my door .. then down the stairs . to his front door.
Before i could raise my hand to knock someone quickly opened the door and grabbed my hand with such grip .

me : what the fu-

the person had a strong hold on my wrist as they walked me through the house i looked everywhere and then build up curiosity to see who was holding onto me ... ryan ..
we finally reached his room and he pushed me onto a wall i looked up at his face he had a dark face with his eyes filled with lust .. it honestly flattered me ..

him: i know what you did .. i really don't care and i thought about what you told me ..

i looked at him with one eyebrow raised in confusion

him: i know you slept with cassidy but you also said for me to treat you as mine and only mine, she can't do anything i can do

i honestly didn't know what to say but i was happy .. he moved closer that his body almost touched mine he moved his fingers to touch my face

him: i really missed you .. and it's hard to let you go .. cassidy is gonna have to compete with me or something for you. your so.. i don't even .. there's just so many things that have my mind going wild ..

his scent was amazing and those words killed me inside i wanted to blush ...
or was i already ..?
i couldn't tell, just then he leaned in to kiss me and our lips touched.
his lips were soft, i kissed back closing my eyes and slowly bringing my hand up to hold his face .
He moved his hands to my waist , i shivered as his cold hands reached my skin .
He bucked my hips towards him i felt like i was in love ..
he pulled away to look at me and closely came to contact with my facial features .
He whispered ..

him : i wanna fuck the shit out of you ..

He pulled me back in by the waist to kiss again .
My body was turned on and hot ..
i started to sweat his presence made me nervous ..
Just then he pulled off my shirt revealing my bra .
He took off his pants with his body still touching mine ..
I took a glance at his body .. he's so fine .. he turned me on.
I walked to the bed and took off my sweats with my back facing him purposely..
He chuckled as i turned and sat on the bed .
He walked towards me and took off his shorts and moved his hand up to grab my neck and place me on the bed ..

him : you already lost it .. so there's no excuses for me not to do anything i don't want to ..

Is he using me ?  ..
like a toy .. ?
his body distracted me and i think he knows that already.
He pulled me up by the neck to take off my bra ..
my boobs satisfied him ..
a lot actually, his face showed it he pulled out his member and inserted himself inside me .. i softly moaned he threw his head back but we barely got started ..
He began to move in and out and continued that steady  movement but each time he would go faster .. and faster

me : holy shit -

It felt so good ..
him being inside me ..
it didn't hurt even though he was pretty big it was impressive how much i can take ..
I started to moan louder and louder until he put his fingers inside my mouth making my moans sound forced a bit .
He started to groan and it turned me on .. knowing that you made a man feel good sexually .. how could you not ? 

him: oh my god ..

His moans became more intense .. so did mine i closed my eyes as he threw his head back out of pleasure ..
i couldnt believe it ..
I wanted more ..
to tell him how i want it ..
but i didn't wanna seem like a slut .
Who gives a shit honestly ?

me : fuck yes .. right there

He began to go faster as my insides tightened was this a dream ?
He pulled out and pulled me on top of him before he could insert himself i took his member and put it in myself but not all the way ..
just a little ..
just to pull it back out.
I wanted to tease him ..
And i got the chance to.
he noticed what i was doing and looked at me .. he wasn't mad but he wasn't happy either .

him : why are you teasing me ?

He chuckled softly as i inserted him back inside,  he moaned softly as i took him back out .. I tried to do it again but he forcefully pushed himself inside and moved my hands from his member to above his shoulders stopping me from teasing him .
I threw my head back pushing my body up as i moaned loudly my boobs were hanging above his face pretty sure he enjoyed that but i didn't get the chance to see his face .

me : oh my go- !

I moaned loudly it was so good ..
it was probably because it's the only one I've had .. This went on for a bit .. Then he started to do that moan he did last time .. I knew he was gonna cum so i went to get up but he held me down ..

me : what are you doing aren't you about to let it loose ?

him : mhm
he moaned.
He basically ignored what i just said .. i started to get scared

me : ryan let go .. you can't nut inside me

He wouldn't let go .. I started to move around with his member still inside me i moaned a bit but meanwhile i was scared

me: ryan .. get -

He forcefully started to release .. I pushed his arms off of me and got up off of him and got up to go to the bathroom .

him : where are you -

He put on his underwear quickly and ran behind me as i quickly locked the door and sat on the toliet grabbing tissue .
I began to spread my legs and wipe downwards to take out any residue inside me i really don't know how this shit works.
I cant get pregnant my mom would kill me .

him : are you okay ?

I washed my hands and grabbed a clean towel that was hanging to wrap around myself . I opened the door to reveal his nervous looking face, i started to speak my mind.

me : do you care if i get pregnant? do you even care about me ? or am i just some sex toy to you ?

him : what ? where is this coming from we literally were just having a good time and -

me : yea but you were about to cum inside me, or maybe you did i don't know you wouldn't even let go of me.

him : blame that on your vagina ..
he chuckled.
me : what .. you not deadass right now

him : what ?

me: i can literally get pregnant like hello ? down to earth ryan !!!

him : just get a pregnancy test ..

me : your not even taking it seriously I'm 16 and your 17 .. we both wouldn't be fit to have a kid together so please .

him : why you say that, plus i don't know how this shit works.

me : yea okay ima go

him: you know you have no one to go home with .. your gonna be alone with no one so you might as well just sleep here

I didn't hate the idea because i didn't wanna be alone so why not ..

me : okay but nothing sexual please.

him : okay fine
we slept peacefully and surprisingly he didn't do anything .. he respected my space wow ..