The Way You Look At Me

Chapter - 6 What Do I Do With A Boy Like You?

Ashley's POV~~~

Omg! What have i done? I just told Andy about my feelings and kissed him? Am i going insane? No. I probably already was. How can i explain this to him? I just can't say "oh Andy don't worry i just ate the wrong cookies yesterday and they played tricks on my mind" That's stupid.

I sat on the ground and couldn't stop the tears anymore.

I am so stupid! How the fuck could i believe that just throwing the truth at Andy would him make gay for me. He just lost Juliet.

I began shaking violently. Little sobbs escaped my mouth. But i couldn't care less.

Andy will probably be disgusted and throw me out of the band. My dream will end and I will never had the chance to be with my love.

Stupid heart what are you doing? Couldn't you just fall in love with some chick or so? Or someone who is not in my band? Who is not one of my brothers?

I heard a knock on the door. "Ashley? You okay? Andy told us that you didn't feel well and that he is pretty worried about you." CC said in a worried tone.

Pfft. Andy? Worried about me? Come on who would believe this?

I wipped my tears away and made sure i didn't look like i was crying.

Then i opened the door and stepped outside and fake smiled " Don't worry Cee, I'm fine."

He smiled back and left me alone. I decided it was the best if I already dress myself for today evenings show.

I went back in the bathroom and took a quick shower. After that i put on some war paint. I know the ladies love it.

While watching in the mirror, i realized how ugly i actually am. No wonder why Andy won't ever love me. I mean, look at this. I look like a girl. There's nothing special about me. My hair is just a simple jet black, my eyes are brown. I got thin lips. Nothing anyone could ever love.

Yeah, no one could ever love you. Look at you, you're just a pathetic little Man-Whore nobody could ever love.

I know but you don't need to tell me. I can see it by myself...

The only thing that you'll ever be to Andy, is some one-night-stand. You'll never mean more to anybody. Nobody could ever love you.

I know...

See? You're so pathetic, you don't even fight against what i say.

Why fighting if there is no possebility in winning? And even what you say is right so why conplaining...?

Yeah that's right. Be the little emo fag who cutts himself to death!

I don't cut. Don't say it! I-

I KNOW THAT YOU USED TO CUT!! Just look at your upper legs!! Full of scars!! Full of hints of your weakness!! Ha!! You little fag!!

"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY OF YOU BULLSHIT!!!"

And with that i punched the mirror! Some of the broken glass cut my hand.

"Aahh fuck!! You little bitch!"

"ASHLEY? ARE YOU OKAY?" someone screamed from the other side of the door.

"yes i am." i cleaned my hand and the floor. I put one piece of the broken glass in my backpocket. Maybe I'll need it later.

I unlocked the door and met the eyes i didn't want to see again. Andys blue eyes always made me melt. The eyes which caused so much pain and which i loved so much.

I was ripped out of my thoughts as Andy said.

"Ashley? Are you re-" he stopped for a moment and looked at my still bleeding hand

"What the fuck Ashley? What did you do to your Hand?! Are you okay?" He said and he tried to reach out for my hand.

But i pulled away and said
"Yes Andy i am fucking okay. Don't you see how lucky i am? I am in love with my best friend and i can't change it but the worst is, he'll never love me back." I said angryly as i left him. I ran out of the bus and into the house we were going to perfom.

What do i do with a boy like you Andy? You are driving me crazy.

Andys POV~~~

I can't believe Ashley is in love with me. I mean, how? He knew that i was with Juliet and that i am straight and that there's no possebility that i could love him back.

I am still heartbroken because of Juliet breaking up with me but Ashley is broken too because i don't love him back.

He's a poor little boy. Why can't he just love some random girl? Why me? I'll never love him back.

Not that he's ugly or so, no he is very pretty and stuff, but he's a man and i could never love a man.

But what if you just help him and yorself at the same time?

What do you mean "at the same time"?

Look, he loves you and you need love to fix your heart. So why don't you just play a bit with Purdyboy? It'll help him and you. And at the end, when you had enough you can say that the sex nwver meant more than simple fuckig. Easy as that?

But i can use him. After all he's my best friend an-

And you fucked him when you were drunk. Didn't it feel great? Just think you can feel it again.

Yea that's true but i can't just fuck amd dump him.

Oh yes you can. You did it once so you can do it twice.

Alright. And what if he's going to hate me because of that?

He can't hate someone he love.

I guess you're right. I mean it's Ashley Purdy. The Man-Whore we're talking about.

After my little conversation with my inner demon i stepped in the bathroom to dress me up.

I stopped as i saw that the mirror was broken and a bit bloddy.

"Well that explains Ashleys bleeding hand." I said to myself as i turned on the water, stripped down and stepped in the shower.

After that I put on some war paint and dried and teased my hair.

I also put on blood red lipstick.

"Mission to get Ashley as my little Fuckbuddy accepted. Let's just start the play" i thought to myself and smiled.

I made my way out of the bus to find Ashley somewhere at the place we are going to play. I need to start this now. It's now or never.

~~~~~~~~

Hello guys^^ omg i'm so sorry it took so long to uptade i hope you guys are not angry^^

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Yours Purdygirl0207