Wolf Girl (Book 3)

Chapter 1: Carys

Carys' POV

"I don't think that I wanted to die, I mean part of me did, but not for the reasons that I thought. Hearing her voice saying all of those things, it might have been her voice but it was my brain stringing the thoughts together. It's like you said; the chemicals in my brain were almost perfectly imbalanced to the point where it brought out the worst of my trauma, I was trying to find a way for me to hurt myself without feeling guilty. I guess it was a weird form of self-preservation, so I wouldn't blame myself for trying to leave behind everyone I love. But I understand now, I was sick and it wasn't my fault."

I sit across from Dr Stevens in his office at Segolia, it's been a few months since my attempt.

"When you think of Rhiannon now, how do you feel about her?

"Still weird, I'll never understand how she or Geraint could have done what they did, but I never will and I've started to make peace with that. I had all these feelings about her, instincts. And it makes sense now that I know she wasn't really my mother. I'd buried it so far down with the rest of my pain. My instincts were right though, even though I didn't quite realise what they meant, they were right. She's not my mother, he's not my father. Ceri and Gerwyn are my parents. Spending that month in the hospital was rough, but talking through everything, finding the right meds and practising the techniques you showed me, it was all worth it. I've never felt more like myself. I'm still taking the pills and I don't intend to stop."

"And what about your scars?" He asks, "Are you feeling more comfortable with them?

It's something we've spent a lot of time talking about. I was subconsciously trying to erase my trauma by covering my scars with new wounds. Dr Stevens said it was a form of self-harm.

"I mean, sometimes I look at them and all I can think about is how I got them, but I know how to cope with those thoughts now. And most of the time, I'm okay with them, I really am. I had scars from Kincaid and I used to hide them from the pack in the wild, but I don't hide them anymore. They're part of me. I am a little worried about going back to school, though. Kids can be cruel. And some people might see me as 'brave' or whatever so that'll be weird, but I've dealt with worse."

"You're strong, and you've got a lot of people in your corner, you'll get through it as long as you remember not to bottle things up."

"I know, I have my techniques, and an amazing support system, my family have been so patient and understanding."

"Speaking of which, how have things been going with your half-sister?" He asks while looking up from his little notepad that all therapists in the movies have.

"We've been getting along. After we all got over the initial shock of everything, it got easier. I can't blame her for wanting to know us. I actually really like her, she's funny like Rhydian, brave like mum, and I love having a sister. And she's been getting on better with mum too, that was one of my conditions."

Dr Stevens has taught me the importance of setting boundaries and keeping people at arm's length if I need to, but at the same time, I have to remember that my friends and family are here for me no matter what.

We decided that if Ava wants to know me and Rhydian, then she'll have to prove herself to us first. So we set conditions, the first one was that she can't get any lawyers or social services involved because it would ultimately harm my mental health, and the second one was that she had to start a conversation with Ceri. We didn't force them to fix their relationship, but as long as they both made an effort to be civil, Rhydian and I would let Ava in.

It seems to be working well for everyone; Ava visits on weekends and mum and dad spend full moons with her in Norway sometimes.

I've had to spend the last couple of full moons at Segolia so they could make sure my wolf was healing too. They have a huge warehouse behind the main building that they've converted into an indoor forest. The ground is hard, the trees have been uprooted from their original growing places and replanted in soil laved with man-made fertiliser, and you can still smell the paint that they used to create a tacky starry night image on the ceiling, but it's miles better than being locked in Maddy's cellar.