Wolf Girl (Book 3)

Chapter 3: Jana

Jana's POV

We look over at some of the older cubs who are watching us as Carys checks her phone and takes her pills. Their names are Ingrid, Tove and Beca. They're sort of like the K's of the wild, but a little meaner and not quite so vanity-obsessed.

Ingrid is Aran and Meinir's younger half-sister, after what Kincaid did, Meinir left the pack and Ingrid has been a little angry about it. Understandably so.

"What do they want?" Carys asks, "They haven't stopped staring at me since we arrived. They barely noticed me when we were here last time."

"I don't know," I brush it off. I just want to talk to her about what my dad's been saying, "I promise I'm not staying in the wild, I'm staying with you," I tell her. She looks down at the river in front of us, avoiding my eyes and sort of frowning like she doesn't quite seem to believe me. "Carys," I take her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me, "I promise."

"I trust you, Jana, I believe you. It's just, how can I be sure you're not staying in Stoneybridge just for me? If it's what you want, then you should stay," she pulls away from me for a moment, then she turns back to me, "And I'll support you because I love you."

"It's not what I want." Her face doesn't change. "I mean... well the wild has its benefits, but it doesn't have you. I want to be with and all our friends in the human world."

She shakes her head at me, "Then how come every time I bring up our plans for the future you either freeze up or pretend not to hear me." I was hoping she hadn't noticed. "Jana, you don't have any interest in anything I try to suggest. Even those amazing jobs Shannon was talking about, it's perfect for us."

I take her hands and prepare to try and explain what's going through my head, "Okay listen, a job like that would be incredible, and yes, I would love it. But part of me feels like I'm not being true to myself you know? I was sort of born to be the Alpha of this pack, and in a weird way, I feel like I'm betraying everything I was made for. I've never felt like this, I've always been happy with my decision to be tame because it was my choice, but lately," I stop myself.

"What? Just talk to me," she pleads.

"Lately I feel like my decisions have been made by you!" I retort and instantly feel guilty, "It doesn't change anything though, I want to stay in Stoneybridge with you, I'm so sure of that. But I can't help how I feel."

I feel awful for saying all of this, but I need to be honest with her.

"You really feel like that?" She says, pulling her hands away from me.

I nod, now I'm the one who can't look her in the eye, "I'm sorry."

"Why have you never said anything?" I shrug. "Fine, I'm going for a walk," she gets up.

"Carys, please don't be like that. I'm just trying to be honest." She starts walking away. "I know how much you hate lying, after everything you've been through, I get it Carys. I should have been honest from the start!"

"But you weren't," she says finally before storming into the woods. I shout after her, but she's gone. I don't bother following her, if she's allowed to be mad then so am I.

I want to stay in Stoneybridge, and I want to stay here too. I can't have both, but how can I choose between these two packs? Both have been loyal to me. With the exception of Aran and Meinir at times, but even they came around eventually.

The wild pack have so much to learn, especially the cubs. Who better to teach them than a Wolfblood with her foot in both worlds? Plus, my father's here, I can be a beta again and then Alpha. But the human world has all of these amazing things that I can't believe I went so long without. And my beautiful Carys. Both worlds have so much to offer me, it would be stupid to pass up either opportunity.

But there are negatives to each world too. I want to bring a family into the world, and it's not possible for Carys and me out here, however in the human world we have so many options, but I always imagined my cubs would grow up in the wild as I did.

None of that matters though, because I made my choice. I chose Carys, and I chose to keep choosing her forever. I love her more than anything in either world, and can't imagine being apart from her. Even now we've been apart for a matter of minutes and I feel like I'm drowning.

I take myself for a walk along the river, maybe I just need to keep thinking this through until it finally makes sense. I watch the cubs playing in the trees.

"Jana, come join us!" Cadwr shouts. He's sat on a large branch with Bryn, Gwyn is climbing as high as she can.

"I think I'll pass. I don't think your mother would be too happy with you messing about up there, Bryn," I say, half joking.

It still sounds weird talking about Ceri like that. She's become such a human mother and even more protective of her family—and that's not a bad thing. Especially with little Bryn, now that he's back she finally has her whole family all together, she would fall apart if she lost one of them again. I think we all would. However, it might be fair to say she babies him a little bit.

"My tame mother isn't in charge of me," he howls, Gwyn and Cadwr copy him. He's always had an influence on them, he's his own Alpha really. Having his own betas is probably going to his head a bit too much. I laugh it off and continue on my walk.

It was so painful being apart from Carys that first month she was in the hospital. It's painful to be apart from her right now. But I'm mad at her and she's mad at me, why can't she just understand me? I know it's selfish, but I was there for her in her time of need, all of her times of need, I sort of expected the same in return.

I suppose her last relationship ended because of lies. But that was her lying, to protect the secret. Surely, she can understand why I haven't told her how I've been feeling about being tame. It's not like I'm completely changing my mind about tame life. As I said, I've made my choice. I'm just a bit confused.

It's not just her ex, her relationship with Geraint and Rhiannon, that was based on lies too. How is someone supposed to know what kind of lying is okay? I mean, how was I supposed to know whether or not to protect her feelings?