Without You | BOOK 2 TO ARRANGED

Fault

3 years ago
Vixen's POV
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"I don't care. I'm killing that bastard the very moment I catch him." I say, storming to my office with Kyla's blood all over my suit and hands.

Kayno follows close behind me, trying to talk to me.

"Vixen, you know you can't. You know the rules-"

"You think I give fuck about some stupid fucking rule when that motherfucker killed my wife?! Are you fucking with me right now, Kayno?! My kids lost their mother! I have to be the one to tell them that some bastard killed their mother in cold blood the night of our wedding! I have to carry that shit on my mental! Not you, not Zeno, not Mark, Amber, Riley, Camara, none of you! They're always gonna wonder where their mom is and as a father, I have to step in and deal with that, not anybody else!" I yell, tears pricking at my eyes as I shout.

Kayno stands there with his head down and his eyes closed, taking in my words. "I'm sorry. That was insensitive. But you're risking exposing the mafia going on with this, Vixen, that's what he wants. We're all exposed to the public, then what? Jail time for all of us, man. Your kids. Think about them. They'll never know their parents-

"Don't do that. I know what I'm doing. You don't want to help? Fine, piss off and cower in fear of the law, but that won't stop me. He initiated war when he stepped foot inside that building and he's gonna get what he wants, plus a death sentence." I say back, going to my office.

"Vixen-"

"I don't care. Get Z and Mark to the base and get Amber and Riley to go and get my kids and bring them home. Now." I say shuffling through the papers on my desk. When I don't hear him moving, I look up and I arch my eyebrow at him. "Did I stutter?"

"You got it." he says reluctantly, walking away.

I sit at my desk and I sigh, frustrated and still angry.

I can't feel anything. I don't want to feel anything. I want all this to be over. Everything.

The worst part is I'm the one who has to plan the funeral. The kids have to grow up without a mother. It should've been me. I should've been the one. But I was weak. I was vulnerable. I couldn't protect her.

Her death was my fault.

It was me.

I sit there, angry tears falling from my eyes.

Why did this have to happen? I was finally happy. She was finally happy. She went through way too much just to....

I look up at the ceiling and I close my eyes, letting the tears fall. Her words come back to mind as I sit there feeling empty.

Fight with everything you have in you and never give up, okay? Our children need a father. They need you, so don't give up on them.

But God knows I want to. I want to give up. I want to end it all. I want all this pain to go away. My heart hurts worse with every breath I take. Every breath I take is a reminder that it wasn't me who lied on the ground fighting for my life. It reminds me that I was too weak to save her. And I hate myself for that. I really do.

I get up and I go back to the room, broken objects all over the place and I look in the mirror at myself.

I'm a mess.

I still haven't washed her blood off me. I sigh and I take my shirt off, then I grab a towel and a washcloth and I go into the bathroom on the other side of the hall. I get in the shower after reluctantly undressing, and I turn it on. I put my head under the water and the water that once ran pure is now a deep red. All her blood washes off me as I wash myself with tears running down my face. When I finish showering, I get dressed and the door downstairs opens.

"Vixen? I'm back. I've got the kids." I hear Kayno's voice come.

"I'm coming." I say, drying my hair with my towel and going downstairs. Aleah looks up at me, and when I go to grab her, she starts to call for her mother.

"Mama." she calls.

"She's not here, baby." I say, grabbing her and unstrapping the twins from their car seats.

She pokes her lip out and begins to cry, calling for her mom. My heart aches for her as I grab the twins, their stomachs pressed against my arm as I hold Aleah in the other.

"I want to be alone. You guys mind going back to your places?" I ask.

"No. We'll go." Kayno says, nodding understandingly.

Just then, everyone else walks in with sympathetic looks on their faces. "I'm so sorry." Amber says, walking over to me and hugging me. She then goes to Kayno, burying her face in his chest, crying.

I hear scattered sniffles amongst the silence and I put my head down, trying my hardest not to cry. "It's not you guys' fault."

"We could've protected her." Z says, tears streaming down his face.

"I wish we could've. But we all know that there was nothing we could've done. If anything I should be blaming myself. And I am." I say, putting my head down.

"It's not your fault, Vixen. It's that bitch, Malcom. He did this. Not you." Riley says.

I nod my head. "You're right. It is. And I'm gonna do something about it. I swear it. Guys, please help me. Help me bring him down. I'm not gonna sit back and let him control us with fear. I want my kids to be able to go out in public without me being concerned about whether or not Malcom's waiting around the corner to take them. I want his reign to be over. I want him to be brutally erased from history. Our family's history. Gone, period. Please guys." I say, looking at each of them.

It's quiet for a moment, but suddenly Z steps up. "I'm in. All the way." he says, sniffling.

Camara looks up at him with wide eyes and then puts her head down, sighing with Bentley on her side. "I'm in too." she says.

"Count me in." Mark says.

"Me too." Riley says.

"Don't think I'm not willing to kick some ass." Kayno says, smiling.

"I'm all for it." Amber says, now smiling a maniacal smile.