Praise the Mutilated World

Chapter 4

LOUIS

Louis stared, wide-eyed.

It took a moment for him to fully register what was going on or why his heart was hammering in his chest, but as he looked Liam over once again, everything came back to him in crashing waves.

He knew, of course, that Liam was here. He'd known for years that Liam lived and worked in ALL. Every Rat knew.

But he'd blocked all of that out, blocked out the thought that his friends, that someone he's known since he was a child, could possibly see him like this. In a state that he never asked to be in, in a life that isn't his own, in a body he barely recognized anymore.

"Louis, are you alright?" Harry's voice asked, clearly concerned. But Louis didn't have it in him to respond, doesn't even have the energy to look at the alpha. He barely had the energy inside of him at that moment to force himself to keep breathing.

Liam managed to lift him up as he stood there on wobbly legs, but time felt slower than it should, everything felt a little dull, a little muted yet too loud all the same.

"I think he's having a panic attack," Liam's voice said next. It didn't sound like Liam, though. Rather it's almost as if he'd spoken from the other room, or from underwater. Distorted. Changed, but still the same recognizable voice he's always known.

Almost like how Louis felt right now. His body was still his own, yet so much about it had been changed. Still there, still him, but distorted.

The two alphas moved him over to the couch, Liam carrying him bridal style with Harry's hand on his shoulder. He sat there for a while, trying his best to keep track of his thoughts and of everything that was going on around him. But it was all too much. Harry sat next to him, and for the first time Louis didn't want to push him away. The near presence of an alpha was comforting, somehow.

Having him there isn't exactly what he needs. But having someone there is exactly what he needs. Just another body, another presence, to keep him grounded. Liam helped, but the bits of his instincts that the medication hadn't been blocked could still sense that his friend was a mated alpha. That he wasn't his and had no chance to be. But Louis's body seemed to know Harry could be his.

Was his, if he wanted.

It didn't take long for everything to click back into place in his mind. Looking around, his vision still lagged just slightly, almost like the motion wouldn't blend together into a seamless view in front of him. He figured he'd only been out of it for a few minutes - maybe ten at the most - but it felt like an eternity.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked again after Louis rolled his shoulders, the tension sitting tight in his muscles there, and Louis nodded.

"Fine. Sorry. That was weird," He looked over to Liam again, and the other man looked just as shocked about all of this as he had been - but the alpha was clearly much better at hiding it. Little telltale signs were the only thing Louis could go off of to see Liam's true expression, small things that he'd learned when they were kids.

Harry kept talking.

There were times that he couldn't help but wish he was just as oblivious to everything as Harry was, especially when he seemed to just completely not sense the tension or awkwardness surrounding him. Or maybe he did sense it - maybe he'd just been better at ignoring it.

"No, not weird. Did you hit your head?"

"I don't think so. Doesn't hurt."

"Alright, if you're sure."

It was quiet between the three of them for a moment, awkwardness filling the air before Liam spoke, finally breaking the silence.

"So, Louis right?" Liam's voice had a strange pitch to it, like he was holding back the same awkward, confusing, distressing emotions that were going through Louis' mind, too. A part of him had hoped that all of his friends would have just assumed he had died. But he also regrets that more than anything, wants nothing more than to go back, to change what happened so they never had to think that in the first place. He couldn't imagine having thought someone died only to find that something much worse had happened.