SATAN'S CHILD

CHAPTER 17

I want to die.

Was the words that I kept whispering day by day.

But can I? No. Because this soul and body is not mine alone. Half of me belongs to V—scratch that, my whole being belongs to that devil. If I've known this will happen, I shouldn't have been an idiot and made a deal with the devil to be revive again. Now, I suffer.

This immortality is truly a curse, I get to see the people I love leave the world before me. If I had known this all, If I had realized this from the beginning, I will choose to die instead. I will not pray to stay alive because the payment for that wish is unbearable. I am slowly losing my sanity.

Never a day would pass without my friends checking on me. I can't participate in the restaurant because I'm in despair. I know I'm being a burden to them and that only add to my guilt. Only makes me think that it's better if I just die. Maybe it is indeed better if I just leave them, in that way they will not have to take care of me anymore. In that way I will not burden them.

I will talk to V about this matter and pursue him to say the words that will end my life. But I doubt that he'll agree. Just like I said, my life is not mine to decide. I'm a slave of that devil and also his gate. Without me, he will have no access to travel from his world to here.

I'm being selfish again. Setting aside what my friends would feel if I also depart from this world. I know I've been a weight on their shoulder since the first day I mourn over my mom, but them taking care of me opened my eyes that they're concerned about me, they think about my health too, they care about me. And they don't want me to leave the earth that's why they pursue on making me move on and revert to my normal self.

I shed my last tears for my mother and made up my mind to move on. I know it will take time and I better start now so that It'll end faster. Mom, please guide me to succeed on this hella mission. I will never forget you, you know that. I'll just have to accept the fact that you will never be here anymore.

I get up from my bed and the headaches instantly attacked me. This is the result of laying on bed 24/7 and nonstop crying day and night. Once I calmed down, I slid my feet in my slippers and proceed to open the window's curtain. The ray of sunlight hit my face, a warmth of new beginning. I also opened the window so that the fresh air will cleanse the gloomy atmosphere.

I tied my hair on top of my head as I folded and arrange the bed. The dusts made me cough a little. Next is I sweep the floor and after checking that all the things inside the room is properly placed, I smiled and closed the door.

The empty hall greeted me good morning. I felt sadness took over my mind again and I felt my eyes hot as tears wanted to flow down. I gulped and swallowed the loneliness feeling. Not too long and I will be use to this same greeting so no need to cry over little things.

I smiled at myself again.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

I spent half my day, cleaning the house and welcoming a new atmosphere. An atmosphere where I can be happy even without my mom's presence. I only stopped when I felt hungry so I decided to cook. But that lead me breaking down on the floor again. The memory of my mother complimenting me entered my mind and it hurts like a thousand of stone are thrown at you.

I need a break from all of this. A day where I'm free from depression. A place I can go that will not remind me of my memories with my mom. Just a peaceful day and place where I can lay my eyes on anything without shedding a single tear.

"Gguk!" I think my hearing is now broken because it's as if I just heard my mom's voice behind me. The next thing I knew is I was in someone's arms and he's trying to make me stop crying. "Shh. It's fine now. It's fine. I'm here. We're here. We will help you stand on your feet again. Just take your time to heal.."