I woke up at 7am and pulled the covers back to step out of bed when everything started to spin around me. I was starting to see stars and it kept getting worse. I was going light-headed and I thought I might faint, but luckily I didn't, and after maybe 3 minutes of hell it went away.
I slipped my socks on and went to the bathroom. Aaron was in there.
"How long you gonna be?"
"I dunno. 10 minutes."
I sighed and headed downstairs. I opened the cupboard to find some cereal. Above the cereal were bars of chocolate. I couldn't take my eyes off them. I hadn't eaten chocolate in so long. One wouldn't do any harm...
Stop it Lacey. Do you want to get fat? Only fat people eat chocolate.
I wanted to tell her to shutup. I'd had enough of listening to her. I grabbed the chocolate bar and raced into my room to eat it alone.
You're a failure. How many calories are in that? Come on Lacey, how many? How much fat?
I took no notice and stuffed it in my mouth. Before I knew it I'd finished it, and I wanted more. I could no longer hear Ana's voice. I rushed back downstairs and grabbed another 3. I didn't even go back upstairs, I ripped off the packaging and crammed them in my mouth without thinking. It felt so good, actually it felt amazing. I could finally eat something I enjoyed. I didn't even think about what I was doing. It was just me and the chocolate. Then all of a sudden it all changed. There was nothing left in my mouth. No more chocolate. I'd ate 4 family sized bars of chocolate in all of ten minutes. What the hell was I doing? Ana came back.
I told you not to eat it! But you didn't listen once again! Now look at you. You're a fat nothing. What are you gonna do now? That's over 1000 calories and it's only half 7 in the morning. I suggest you go throw that right up before it goes on to you. On to your stomach, your arms, your legs, your thighs. Your thighs are disgusting enough as it is. Go on Lacey. Finger down the throat. You know the drill. Go now. QUICKLY.
I raced to the bathroom, trying to hold back the tears. Aaron was still in.
"Aaron please get out, I'm going to be sick!"
He opened the door quicker than I've ever seen and ran out immediately.
"Want me to-"
I slammed the door behind me before giving him a chance to finish. I put my finger right to the back of my throat. I gagged and gagged until all of a sudden it all came splashing out.
It's not enough. You're not done.
And so I kept gagging until I was throwing up pure liquid. Finally I flushed the chain and looked at myself in the mirror. I had vomit around my mouth and my face was all blotchy from crying.
"Lace, you alright?" As much as me and Aaron argue, he's my brother and I love him. He's a year older than me, 16. We've always been there for each other. We argue and can certainly put on a show but behind it all, when Mum and Dad screamed at each other, when Granddad died, when I would come home crying after a bad day, we would comfort each other.
"Yeah fine. Two minutes,"
I chucked cold water all over my face, then sprayed air freshener all around the room. My hands were shaking as I was opening the door. Why was I doing this to myself?
As I walked into my room, Aaron walked out of his.
"Maybe you should stay off today,"
"Nah, I better go in. I have exams,"
He shrugged and went downstairs. I walked to my wardrobe to get my school clothes out, and caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror.
It's a good thing you threw up all that chocolate. Look at that stomach. Your arms look disgusting. They wobble. That's awful.
I bashed my hand against the mirror and stormed out my room.
