My best friends girlfriend

I wish...

{Lexa POV}

I knew it was wrong, I just didn't know how to flirt, I mean I still don't, I don't even know how I have a girlfriend in the first place. My method of flirting when I was little was bullying, I might have taken it too far but I didn't mean anything by it.

Before I realized I liked her I was actually pretty nice to her, I even gave her flowers once. But then the summer going into sixth grade, I don't know what happened.

I use to see her at the beach with her parents and besides being jealous since my adopted father didn't give a shit about me, I also felt butterflies.

She always wore one-pieces, and if she did wear a two-piece she always wore a rash guard over top. I don't know if it was because she felt self-conscious or her parents didn't want her to be so exposed, but whatever the case was I thought she was so beautiful either way and could hardly keep my eyes off her.

I was upset that I had these feelings for her, I thought it was wrong to have these feelings for a girl and that she couldn't have felt the same way.

So on the first day of school Finn tapped me on the shoulders, I was ready to punch him because of what he did last year but then he whispered something in my ear.

"Clarke looks so pretty, do you think I should ask her out?" I couldn't help but laugh. He really thought after what he said last year she was going to date him.

Then she was standing in front of me and all I did was stare, she was so pretty, I couldn't speak. Then Finn whispered something in my ear again.

"Yeah your probably right, but the way she's looking at you makes me think she likes you. That's so weird, you shouldn't talk to her." I started laughing, I couldn't help it, I laugh when I'm nervous. Obviously, this boy thought that liking the same gender was wrong, which freaked me out. Then I started laughing, even more, thinking of the possibility that Clarke could like me back, but that could never happen. Ever since then the bullying started and the feeling got stronger.

Fast forward to freshman year of high school, Clarke's best friend Costia started flirting with me. She was pretty so I went along with it, then one day she asked me out. I was shocked, I still had feelings for Clarke but I also had them for Costia. I said yes and we've been dating ever since.

I know it's wrong but I still like Clarke. I don't know if I'm cheating, mentally cheating if that's even a thing, because I have feelings for another person or what. Clarke's just so naturally beautiful. She doesn't wear makeup like all the other high school girls, and she doesn't try to be perfect, she just is.

I watch her, not in a stalker way just in a crush way. I look at her Instagram, I don't follow her though. I also know her style to a tee. On cold days she walks around school and town with sweatpants, oversized hoodies, and uggs. On warmer days she walks around with Nike shorts, a long sleeve shirt, with converses. And on really hot days she'll wear Nike shorts, a short-sleeve shirt or tank top, with flip flops. The two things that never change are her glasses and her hair in a messy bun, sometimes she'll put it in a ponytail or let it down but hardly ever...Okay maybe all that did sound a little stalkerish but I swear I'm not, I guess you could just say I'm passionate.

Soon after me and Costia started dating I had an accident. I was playing soccer, my team was winning, then I somehow fell on my head. A kid didn't realize I had fallen and kicked my head then fell on top of me. I must have fallen at the right angle or he kicked me in just the right spot because I ended up with a pretty bad injury that cost my hearing.

So I can't make fun of Clarke anymore, well I could but it's not like she would understand what I'm saying. No one, not even my girlfriend has taken the time to learn sign language. All I can do is just ignore Clarke now.

Now back to present day, I was in my new house, in my room setting it up, when I got a text from Costia saying she was outside. I went outside to see Costia, Raven, and Clarke. I knew Clarke was my new neighbor, I even picked the bedroom that looked right into hers, but I had to play it off like I didn't.

I banged on the door till I got my girlfriend's attention then started texting her.

Hey babe, you wanna help me set up my room? Also, why'd you bring them?

Clarke's your new neighbor babe.

Haha, funny. Now seriously why are they here?

I'm serious babe, Clarke lives right next door.

Great, out of all the people in the world, I get stuck with her as a neighbor. Just come in when you're done talking to them, please.

Today was one of those days Clarke didn't have her hair in a messy bun, her wavy blonde hair fell perfectly over her shoulders, and in my opinion, she looked as beautiful as always.

I sat in the living room looking out the window as I watched Clarke. Watched her smile, laugh, scrunch her nose as something Raven said was probably disgusting. When I saw her go back to her house and Costia come to the door, I ran up to my room, hoping she would think I was up there the whole time.

When Costia came up she helped a little, I tried to teach her some ASL. When she handed me things I'd sign what they were, she ended up telling me to shut up and kissed me.

Every time I try to teach her, she always tries to distract me with sex. I don't get it, if the roles were reversed I'd spend as much time as possible trying to learn ASL so I could communicate with her. I mean yeah I like the sex, but I wish...I wish I could communicate with her. More than anything, I wish I could communicate with Clarke.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Clarke's shades shut, which broke my heart. Not that she shut them, that she saw me making out with someone else, about to have sex with someone else.

I immediately pulled away from Costia, she started talking, more like yelling from her facial expressions, but I couldn't read her lips, I wish I could hear her. And like always for the past couple of days she stomped away and went home.