The Real Eleanor Rigby

All The Lonely People

I looked around the room expecting to see her. I honestly have no idea why. Why would she come? It doesn’t make any sense. The rain outside was as heavy as the heart that I have been carrying for years. Her heart.

Rain.

Silence.

Footsteps.

At no point was I ever certain that she would come back. In the back of my mind, buried deeply along with my secrets and shame I wondered, was it possible? She wouldn’t come back. Not to me. I was never the one.

No one wanted me.

I was alone.

Alone.

Lonely.

Alone and lonely are two very different things but I knew both of them well. I have watched people in my life suffer from both and they eventually caught up to me too just as they caught up to everyone.

Just like she catches up to me.

I am suddenly very aware that she’s here.

Eleanor. My dearest. My greatest love...and fear.

The ink of my pen stops. Why?

“Damn you Eleanor! I just want to write a letter home!”

She ran her fingers along the top of my chair.

“I don't get a home.”

I don’t dare turn. I don't want to look at her. That monster.

“Well, that’s hardly my fault is it? You were ruined long before we met.”

She laughs. But not the normal, genuine kind. This laugh could kill. Like she was pitying me and wanting to kill me at the same time.

“I was ruined, was I? You certainly didn’t think I was. You told me I was beautiful. That I was the one thing that kept you going in life. Oh dear James how I must have disappointed you.”

I look up from my letter. My letter that had been full of goodbyes and loving words.

Blank.

Gone.

I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. Tears behind my eyes.

“Just let me say goodbye.”  I couldn’t believe I was begging her. Of all people It had to be her. Eleanor.

“I never got that privilege. Only people who do good in life get that privilege. And you have done horrible things. I deserved that privilege and you didn’t let me have it.”

How was she so calm? Even after all these years she was still somehow getting on my nerves. Always has, always will.

“Eleanor, I tried to help you. You know I did. But you were too far gone to help.”

She suddenly grabbed the top of my chair with such force that the chair along with myself ended up on the floor. I was now forced to look at her. The woman I loved. The woman I hated.

She turned quickly to avoid looking at me. Was she scared? Why would she be scared of me? I helped her. Put my family aside, my work aside, my life aside in order to help this poor girl. And she was scared of me? I didn’t want her to be scared of me.

“I did good in my life.”

She didn’t laugh like I thought she would. Instead there was silence. I couldn’t let it be silent.

“I have done some incredible things. I helped people. I helped you. I believed in people when nobody else did and showed them how to be better. How to look better in the eyes of the one person that matters-”

“Who? God? There is no god.”

She turned and met my eyes.

“I’m sorry that the thing that you devoted your life to is not real. How awful that must be for you. I am so terribly sorry, father.”

“Don’t call me that” I couldn't let this go on any longer.

“Only my people get to call me that. My church.”

“It’s not your church! It’s a church in the name of god. You taught me that.”

“I taught you many things Eleanor and I wished they helped you but don’t take it out on me just becau-”

“HOW DARE YOU!” She moved so quickly it took me a moment to realise that she was inches away from my face.

“I trusted you. I loved you. You told me that I was a sinner! You just used me. You were just like everyone else. You just wanted me but I never wanted you. Not in that way… and you couldn’t accept that.” She was shaking her head.

“I wasn’t a sinner. I just wanted to be free. To love who I wanted to love. But you wouldn’t let me.” She was crying now. I put my palm to her cheek to try to stop the tears.

“It wasn’t natural my love.” Emerald eyes met grey.

“I am not your love.”

She backed away from me.

“I was trying to prevent you from making the poor woman's life miserable. She didn’t love you. No two women can love each other the way that a man and a woman can.”

“SO YOU KILLED ME?!”

She screamed as tears flew rapidly down her face.

“I did what was necessary”

I was calm and collective. It seems that we have switched emotions.

“You are the most horrible man that has ever called himself a minister.”

I chuckle. “There have been worse than me. Slavers, murders… even homosexuals.”

“Even as you are dying, you still defend yourself. You buried me with your bare hands. Wiped the dirt from your hands as you walked from my grave. You pretend like you cared even after you murdered me.”

When I finally processed what she was saying I looked down to her hands and I saw a shard of glass.

Sharp.

Bloody.

My blood…

“I sincerely hope that you have the most miserable death. Father Mackenzie.”

Inspired by Eleanor Rigby by the beatles

Everything is owned by the beatles I think idk honestly but I don't own it ❤️