Never Ending Thoughts

{1}

"M'lady?" I stare at the still figure in front of me, in shock. What just happened? It came out of nowhere. I couldn't stop it.

No response comes from her. My shaky hand reaches up for my mouth as it tries to scream, but nothing comes out. Wetness caresses my cheeks as tiny drops fall from my eyes. I should have thrown myself in front of it, but I was so mad about our fight. I let myself get so caught up in it.

"Chat... What's wrong with Ladybug?" Rena Rouge asks, staring at the still body laying in my arms. I tuck my head into the neck of her body, letting it silence my sobs.

"I-I couldn't save her," I whisper out the truth in shock. I wasn't good enough, I let my emotions control me, just as Hawkmoth wanted.

"Chat, I have an idea, but I need you to go home." Rena Rouge says, making me feel even worse. I can't even be trusted around Ladybug? I nod my head and stand up, Ladybugs body in my hands. I pass it over to Rena Rouge, and run away.

Running from rooftop to rooftop often helps me think, but that is the exact opposite of what I want to be doing right now. I shut my thoughts off, but the only thing my mind will let me focus on is the lightless face of Ladybug, the only person who made me feel cared for.

I forced my mind away from that, and it instead decided to focus on the fight from right before.

"Hey M'lady. It's been a while." I admire her face as I talk, glad we finally get to be alone for the first time in a month, thanks to Rena Rouges kwami needing to get more energy.

"Yeah it has. But let's focus on the villain." Ladybug sounds clearly annoyed, which is weird because right before Rena Rouge left, she was cracking jokes.

"Woah, what's with the change of mood?" I try to make my voice sound joking, but I really do want to know what caused her to act out like this. Ladybug shakes her head, causing me to further press on. "C'mon, I won't be able to focus until you tell me, and you need my help." The joking around slightly leaves my voice as I question if she really needs me. It hasn't felt like that lately. The last time I saw her all she needed was my cataclysm and barely even spoke to me. Did I do something?

"Chat, I don't always need your help. There are other people who can help too, and I am tired of you seeing me as some object you can obsess over. Why do you think I have been avoiding you? It's all you seem to care about," Ladybug whispers out, clearly scared to say the words.

I stare at her through glassy eyes. This feels like a dream. Someone call my name, wake me up. Please let this be a nightmare and not reality. "Ladybug I..." My voice trembles halfway through my sentence, causing me to stop. I can't let her know how much her words affect me.

A loud bang sounded from the side, making her turn her head, but my body felt frozen. "Chat, we have a villain to be fighting. We can talk later." That gets my attention. She does not just get to drop that on me and then expect me to be able to focus on some stupid villain. Plus if the villain messes anything up she can always just fix it with her "miraculous ladybug". Which is what I wish she could do to my shattered heart right now.

"No," my voice is sharp, making it very clear that I am not allowing this. I am not being the same 'go with the flow' Chat I used to be. The one that got tossed around and taken for granted.

"What do you mea-" A bright yellow light goes straight for Ladybug, wrapping up around her and dropping her to the ground.

I run into a wall as I focus on the thought, forgetting where I am. I crush myself into the wall, putting my head in between my knees, as I let all my emotions out. I let my favorite memory of the two of us replay in my head. The one where we were sitting on the roof together and she tells me "I did it," clearly happy to share this with me and be with me. The memory makes my mood worse as I realize she clearly doesn't want anything like that to happen with me again, and I may never even see her again.

"Hello, Chat Noir."

A/n: so what do you guys think? Also yes I am okay with criticism comments as long as they are nice, because I am always looking for ways to make my writing better!