Light. Everything is so... bright? I rub my eyes trying to get the whiteness of the room to fade away and I realise, thankfully, that I am in our room, safe.
"So it must've been a horrible dream" I think to myself, still in some kind of shock from the brightly colored room I woke up in. Strangely enough, the room felt familiar, but in the same time it felt like I was waking up for the first time. Kind of nostalgic, but with no memory to think about, deja vu, maybe, but that still wasn't the right word.
I turned to my side and saw your face. The only thing I was sure I knew, you my precious lover, Niv.
You seemed so stressed in your sleep, yet so peaceful, like you were just comforted because something bad had happened. I was almost sure something did indeed happen and oh I could only wish it was me who comforted you.
Only it wasn't.
It couldn't have been, because when I reached to touch your face, I couldn't, my cold hands went right through your warm face and I sat there, unable to say a word or even think.
I want to wake up.
I need to wake up.
I cried until I felt even colder than before, until I felt so empty, so exhausted that I couldn't breathe.
Then I remembered.
Oh how the memories came flashing back, it hurt but all my questions were answered.
Im dead.
Some hope woke up in me when I thought about the possibility of you being able to see me, but the hope quickly died, just like a match in the rain.
You woke up and I ran to you. I ran across the room so quickly hoping you'll catch a glimpse of me somehow, that you'll scream, laugh and cry because of the excitement.
None of that happened and in reality what happened was the thing that killed me once again,
You couldn't see me.
"Niv? Nivia? Come on, please respond. Plese, please, im begging you! Look at me, Niv! Im here... Im here, please.." I cried out.
No response.
I looked around, and the room still felt different.
"After some time I stopped crying" you said.
I quickly turned around and saw you talking to someone, to me he was just a faceless figure but to you he was a person, alive and well, who sat with you on the bed, hugging and comforting you.
"I miss-" you were cut off, your eyes shining from the tears that were building up.
"I know. But everything is going to be okay. Im here now. You're not alone."
Another hug. and another. and another.
You sobbed into his arms until you were shaking, Niv.
He was just faceless figure to me, but to you he was special.
For a while I wandered through the house, looking for a reason, something to explain what was the thing that kept me here, the reason why I couldn't find peace.
With each passing day I felt more alone and the black hole in my chest kept growing bigger,
I cried so much my eyes now felt dry because I wasn't there with you, I couldn't be, no matter how much I wanted it.
I looked around and saw you in the kitchen.
Both of you.
Hah... you've been getting closer with the faceless figure, slowly but surely getting more comfortable.
It hurts because it's my fault. If I hadn't died-
"I love you."
I froze.
My throat clenched, chest hurting.
No. no, no, no, no, please no, not now.
