love in action

trials of the heart

 “Hello?” Carol answered the hotel phone with confusion, curious who would be calling this late.

“Lindsey.. Can you put Lindsey on the phone?” Stevie managed to gasp out her words between sniffles and small hiccups. Carol Ann would be lying if she told you she was surprised at who was on the other end of the line. Signaling the call was for him, she handed off the phone to Lindsey. Preparing for the inevitable fight, but watched as Lindsey's face fell the second he heard Stevie's choked up voice. It was then she knew the subject of the phone call, and her heart went out to her.

“Hello?” Lindsey spoke cautiously into the phone.

“It's Robin.. Lindsey..” Carol could hear the sobs of a broken woman on the end of the line. Lindsey's face fell, and he slowly sunk to the edge of the bed.

“She gave up everything for that little boy Linds.. And now she's gone and oh God – I don't know – Lindsey..” Stevie struggled to voice her words, her mind running one thousand miles a minute.

“Stevie... Oh Stevie..” Lindsey dropped his head into his hands, struggling to keep his composure, for he had known Robin a long while as well. She would accompany Stevie to some of Fritz's rehearsals, sitting on the couch of his hot garage, looking on in pride of her best friend. Robin had been Stevie's rock, and although he and Robin had a slight falling out because of his and Stevie's rocky break-up, Lindsey still loved her and considered her a friend. Stevie let out another choked sob, bringing Lindsey back to the present.

“Oh God I don't know what to do Lindsey. I'm sorry I called, I just got the news and oh—I just didn't know where else to turn.. I'm so sorry – God i'm sorry.” Her apologies came out in teary hiccups, choking on her own words. His heart ached.

“No. No, don't apologize to me.. please. Steph, talk to me..” He spoke so softly that a loud sob escaped Stevie. The softness of his words, and the sound of him calling her that again made her heart swell immensely. Whether it be of pain or love, she couldn't tell. At this point, Lindsey paid no mind to Carol being in the room with him. No, this wasn't about her. It would never be about her. Would Stevie turn to him, he would be there. Had Stevie come running back to him, he would have welcomed her with open arms.

“I don't know what to do. I feel insane, I can't calm down, I feel like i'm going to burst. Lindsey I don't want to live! I've lost absolutely everything! The two people I love most are gone Linds. First you, and now Robin. I don't know what i've done to deserve this. I can't – I just can't figure it out,” she lets out a sob, “what is there for me if the only people that loved me for me.. truly loved me for being me, are gone? I have nobody, I can't trust anybody the way I trusted you or Robin – I'm left with nothing.” she chokes out her last words.

“Steph – Robin loved you with all her heart. She looked at you with so much pride, she was so proud of the person that you are. God Stevie, I don't even know – I can't know what to say to make the pain of her loss go away,” he struggled to find the right words to comfort her, “but Steph, you aren't alone. I know things have been – rough. But God, you will always have me. I'll be damned if anything or anyone tries to change that. You aren't alone baby, and Robin would want you to know that.” he tried to keep his composure, tried not to let his voice break. Stevie needed his comfort, he needed to be the strong one. For her. The other end of the line was silent except for the sound of her soft cries and sniffles. “I know how hard this is. I do Stevie.” She knew he was speaking of his father, and her heart lurched within her. He sat with his head in his hands, the pain of not being able to be face to face with her was killing him. He knew she needed him. “Stevie what room number are you?”

She sniffled, “Um – 305.” she said with a teary hiccup.

“Alright. Just wait for me there alright? Give me five minutes.”

“Oh – Oh okay Lindsey.”

“Alright.” he hung up the phone and ran his hands through his now short curls.

“Are you going to see her?” Carol walked out from the bathroom and questioned him apprehensively.

“Of course I am.” and with that he stood up quickly, reaching for the door before she could speak another word to him. It was all wrong. All so wrong that he was in a different room than Stevie, let alone in a 'romantic' relationship with anyone besides her. He ached for her. Her room was on the floor above his, and he took to the stairs in stride two at a time. Once he was outside of her door he composed himself, running his hands through his hair once more, he knocked softly twice. She slowly opened the door, just enough for him to see her. Her hair was slightly disheveled, tear stains traced the outlines of her beautiful face, and the dark eye makeup now smeared contrasted against her red eyes. But she had never looked more beautiful, more pure – vulnerable to him before. She gave him the smallest smile, he would have missed it had he not been studying her face, and opened the door for him. Her room was dark – the absence of any light disturbed him. He walked to the middle of the room and slowly turned to face her again as he heard her shut the door quietly, and her barefoot feet padded against the floor to meet him. She stood face to face with him, eyes filling with more unshed tears. He stared down at her for a moment, and with one swift movement gathered her in his arms, crushing her against him. She let out a loud sob, as one hand clutched to the fabric of his t-shirt, and the other clutched at the nape of his neck. At her painful sobs, Lindsey's eyes filled with unshed tears. He was overwhelmed with emotions. The pain of losing Robin, the vision of Stevie in pain, and the disturbing realization that he could have lost her too. His hands wound in her hair, pinning her small body wracking with sobs against him. He kissed the top of her head softly. Stevie slowly pulled away from him, loosening her death grip on him and looked up to stare him down, eye to eye.

“I'm so sorry. For everything. Lindsey – Linds, i've been so wrong for so long now. I never meant for this to happen to us. God – how could I let this happen to us. I let myself lose you. It was my own fault.” silent tears streamed down her face, and his heart felt like it was being ripped out of his chest. He stroked the sides of her face, and wiped away the rivers of tears with the pads of his fingers. “Please,” she choked out a sob, “oh God please Lindsey.. Please don't leave me.” her sobs shook her entire being, and he had never felt more in love with her before. Holding the sides of her face he brought his lips to hers, oh so ever softly, and kissed her swollen lips twice, three times, four times, he couldn't keep count. He kissed her so lovingly, so softly, her heart about burst. It was the type of kiss that made her head light, even dizzier than all the crying she had done today. It was a kiss that her high school sweetheart gave her after their first date. A kiss with no ulterior motive other than to show her that he was here, and here he would stay.

“Never baby, never.” he whispered between his loving gestures. With an overwhelming confidence, she entwined her hand within his and pulled him towards her ensuite. He watched with a loving softness she hadn't seen in years, as she slowly undressed in front of him and crawled under the comforter of her temporary bed. Pulling the sheets down, she patted the empty space next to her. He undressed down to his underwear, and joined her. With nothing but the intention to comfort and love her, the way that he once did – the way he should, he pulled her snug against him, enveloping her in his arms and the soft blankets around them. She turned in his arms to face him, still snug against him. She reached up and traced the outline of his face, ever so softly that it sent shivers down his spine. She was so beautiful, so innocent, so young, so Stephanie, in that moment that he let out a shaky sigh. She smiled softly, placing the softest of kisses to his lips. She nestled into the crook of his neck, letting out a warm breath that if possible – warmed his entire being. He traced small patterns on her bare skin. She had always loved when he did that, bringing her to the brink of sleep.

“Love – love you, Linds. Love you,” she whispered ever so softly. He smiled softly, kissing the top of her head while continuing his ministrations over her skin. He hadn't felt so content in years. He knew that tomorrow, he would return to Carol Ann, playing the role he had set himself up for years ago. A role he could never fulfill. A role without her in it. With the realization that there was no him without her, he pulled her snug against him once more.

“Love you baby. Goodnight Stephanie,” and with the temporary comfort of being one with her again, he let himself drift to sleep, with the knowledge that he would always be hers. And she would always be his.