You (WangXian Short Story)

You ~ Question on love

Hearing timid footsteps in front of Jingshi whilst Lan Zhan was not present made me curious. Usually, members of the Gusu Lan Clan would never seek me here because of their unhappiness towards The Yiling Patriarch. Not all hate me, but I am aware that my presence irks few. Thus, they all make it a point to converse with Lan Zhan outside Jingshi. Meaning the person out there definitely is one of the younger lots.

Lan Zhan always refers me as their leader and I tease him for being their 'Mama Hen'.

Making my way out, I was more surprised by the fact that it was Sizhui who was hesitating to enter the premise. He has always been one of the few who received permission to enter Jingshi even without Lan Zhan's presence. This could mean only one thing; whatever is in his mind, it's causing him anxiety.

"Sizhui?"

With a gasp he turned around and it was then I noticed he was looking extremely pale. Is he alright?

Placing my arm on his shoulders, I nudged him to take a seat on the porch. Leaving him to gather his thoughts, I poured a cup of water for him to consume and waited patiently.

By my leg Wu, partner of Ji, a beautiful jade white rabbit nibbled the ends of my boot.

"Hey! Are you hungry? Didn't Lan Zhan feed you dinner?" I looked around and asked Wu as if he could answer me, "Where's your lover Ji?"

The rabbit in response tickled my palm with its nose. It was then Sizhui sighed and asked softly, "I admire you Elder Patriarch. You have this calming effect on everyone. Be it a person, animal or even a walking corpse. Without you, this place was incomplete." Our gaze met and he whispered, "Without you; even Hanguang-Jun was incomplete."

Smiling inwardly I nod.

"I don't have much memory of my childhood but I do remember vividly of you smiling. It is now that I realise you were in so much pain. How? How did you manage to smile and live life in such carefree manner Elder Patriarch?"

"Is that why you came here; to ask me this question?"

"No, but I want to know. What made you smile and act happy when staying in Yiling was the worst period of your life?"

It was, wasn't it?

Caressing Wu's forehead gently, I smile at Sizhui's question and ponder on what my true feelings were back then.

"When you have nothing to loose, all you can do is smile Sizhui. I had lost everything precious to me by then. Shijie's warmth, Jiang Cheng's brotherhood and Lan Zhan's..."

"Elder Patriarch?"

Years of getting to know Lan Zhan.

"Lan Zhan's companionship." I replied.

"Was it worth it in the end?" His question hit a nerve close to my heart and I shrugged, "Do I regret? Yes. Who wouldn't want their loved ones to be protected. Time and again I questioned myself, 'What wrong did I committ to suffer all this pain?'; but in my naiveness I never stoped and realised; along with me there were others who also suffered. In all this mess; Shijie, Jiang Cheng, Wen Ning, Wen Qing, you and Lan Zhan... you all suffered with me."

He was quiet and so was I. Yes, all of them suffered terribly because of me.

"Sizhui."

"Elder Patriarch?"

"I am sorry."

He was taken aback at my sudden apology.

"Elder Patriarch! Why are you apologising?"