The Weight //Shameron//

Lost in Thought

S H A W N M E N D E S

I spent all of today trying to figure out why I was so disinclined to leave Cam's side yesterday.

As to why I enjoyed the heat radiating off his body when I woke up.

Why I didn't want him to move.

And so far, I don't have any reason that doesn't scare me.

Sammy left last week, and I still haven't talked to him since we hung out. He was the first guy I've ever kissed, and I don't know what to make of that.

I hoped I would've forgotten about that by now, but it isn't something you forget as easily. It still burns a hole in the back of my mind.

I told Cameron about the kiss and he didn't overreact.

In fact, he under-reacted.

I thought he could have helped me sort some things out, but how could he? He has no experience.

Well, none that I'm aware of...

I didn't feel anything when Sammy kissed me, but I didn't think kissing another guy was too bad.

It didn't really feel any different.

So does that mean I'm into guys now?

I haven't found any girl attractive since I moved here, but I haven't really thought any guy was super attractive either.

Well, I thought Cameron was pretty good looking- I still do.

But that doesn't mean I like him.

Does it?

Speaking of Cam, he's been acting really weird lately. He doesn't even look me in the eyes anymore, and when he does, it's for such a long time.

Although, in his defense, I stare back.

But that still doesn't explain why he's been acting so awkward lately, there's obviously something going on.

I don't exactly know what it is, and I'm not exactly sure if I want to, but I just hope he's alright.

I decided, for the first time today, that I was going to stop thinking about Cameron, and do something productive.

Actually, it isn't productive at all; I was going to watch TV...

I sat on the couch, a sigh escaping my lips. I flipped through all the different channels, searching for something worth my while.

There was absolutely nothing on, but I kept searching through the channels anyway. I knew I wasn't going to find anything interesting enough to watch, so I just turned the TV off.

My phone buzzed next to me and I picked it up to see a text from Matthew;

Matt: you wanna hang out today?

Shawn: yeah sure

Matt: come over

Shawn: okay I'll be over soon

I got up and told my mom I was leaving. I walk out the door and start the car, slowly backing out of the driveway.

I made my way to Matt's house- which I've only ever been to once before. After pulling into his driveway, I get out and knock on the door.

Matthew answers and invites me inside, "You know, the only times our doors are ever locked, are when my mom and I aren't home, or at night. So you don't have to knock."