Friday, March 27, 2015
Dear A,
Maybe I purposely put on my "lucky" jeans today so that I could see you. And maybe I didn't tie my hair like a ponytail which I usually does but instead put on a (blue) hair-clip for the first time since I cut my hair short so that you could notice me and think of me more "girly" now than "boyish" (which I think that's how you really see me). But did you notice it?
I haven't been really honest to myself that's why I don't really know if I did all of that on purpose. But maybe I did..... because I know it will be the last time that I'll see you. Which is why I also wanted to confess to you.
I wrote it in a small piece of letter because knowing myself, I wouldn't have the courage to say it. I was keeping that small piece of paper under my pocket all the time when we were at the mall. At first, you were sitting far away from me. A part of me wants you to sit beside me but mostly I kept thinking at that time that it's a good thing you were away from me so that it'll be easier for me to avoid you. Yes, I'm avoiding you. Well that's what I was trying to do since I don't want to get attached to you when you left. But unfortunately, that's not what I usually end up doing. At some point I succeed at doing it so, but afterwards I always felt guilty and sad.
This time is different though, because it's your last day. I really don't know what to do. If I keep avoiding you, I know this will have a bad ending. If I didn't too, I'm guessing it will have a bad ending too. It's like I don't know where to go if I know both of the ways will end badly, but I guessed it wrong.
In the end, after some of my friends and I went walking around the mall, we came back to the table with different seating arrangements. And I ended up sitting beside you. Maybe I thought it was meant to be? And at that time I was really thinking what will be the end of this day? What will happened with the two of us? I thought we will still be the same, the stranger like friend relationship we have. But when the day ended, we became friends. Friends like we should had in the beginning. Except we became friends when it's ending. I remember you saying "Why did we start becoming close when I'm already leaving?" I felt happy when I heard those words from you, because you regret not being close to me before. Yet at the same time sad, for the fact being close to you when you were about to leave is hard. I sometimes regret all of the times I was trying to avoid you. And the times I should have spent talking to you. That's why when the day was about to end, I decided not to confess to you anymore. Because I don't want to ruined the friendship we just build.
Since that day, I'm trying to make my feelings for you to fade away. So that when I see you again next time, I'll be able to be honestly say to myself that I don't like you anymore without lying. So please, don't change and forget about me. Because I know I won't ever forget about you.
-I
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That's all guys!~ Sorry if it's too short.BTW, English is not my native language so sorry for all the grammar errors. You could tell me if I had any errors so that I could edit it :3 Thank you! Oh and since English is really not my native language, I'm not writing anymore of the story :P Sorry! I also don't know what will happened with her anyway. XD So that's all of it :D Thank you for reading this crappy story of mine. God bless you~ ( Comments, votes or follow is greatly appreciated )
