Rebirth

It’s so cold… Opening my eyes I momentarily questioned if I had gone blind, but quickly dismissed that thought when I noticed the faint greyness of a light out of the corner of my eye. Everything else I could see, besides that strange grey light, was pitch black darkness. Groaning softly at the stiffness of my muscles, I got to my feet and glanced out into the void of darkness. A strange sense of a calm terror filled me and I hurriedly looked away towards the grey light. I blinked once or twice to help my eyes adjust, but the moment they did I froze in shock. The grey light was a light above the door… and… I took I step back and stared at my home in confusion. Its comforting colours were gone, replaced with only shades of grey, and the beautiful scenery my sister and I used to play in around it was gone, replaced by only darkness. Slowly I made my way towards it, an uneasy feeling filling me with each step closer. As I reached for the door knob, pain stabbed violently through me in the form of my hands and arms burning. Crying out I fell back and looked at my arms in fear, only for the pain to vanish with no signs of it ever existing…My arms were fine, completely unburnt…I looked up at the building I called my home as it seemed to loom over me and that strange sense of uneasiness quickly changed to fear. What is going on?

            After what felt like hours passed, I slowly approached the door again. I grabbed the doorknob and tensed up, expecting that same pain, but nothing happened. Hesitantly I opened the door and stared at the hallway I recognised so well. I stepped inside, not once letting my guard down, but nothing happened. Slowly relaxing I headed into the living room, hoping secretly that I’d find someone in one of the rooms. The living room was exactly as I remember, except my mother isn’t sitting in her chair looking out the window, waiting for father to get home Sighing I began to head out of the room, but tripped. I began to push myself up when suddenly everything was on fire. The colour was back and everything was burning. Blood ran down from my head and down my cheek: I quickly got up and the moment I did, everything returned to normal. I panted slightly and looked around, starting to panic. What is going on? What was that?! I placed my hand on my head and pulled it away, still expecting to see blood, but my hand was clean. I left the living room and started up the stairs when my sister’s room caught my eye. The world flashed back to colour and the sun streamed in through the windows. I could hear Rica, my sister, and our friend Lynn laughing about something from her room. I slowly backed down the stairs and headed for their room, hoping to see them and hoping that I had just slipped into a daydream of some kind and suddenly everything was on fire once more.

            The roof was collapsing in flaming planks of wood and the blood once more ran down my cheek; my ankle itched and burned with pain and breathing hurt due to the hot air. Without thinking, I began to pull at the planks and beams of flaming wood that were blocking the path to Rica’s room. I shouted her name and heard a weak coughing response from both her and Lynn. In a maddened panic I began to pull away the debris, my hands and arms burning from the heat of the flames. There was a loud crash and I screamed out Rica and Lynn’s name in panic and returned to my work with even greater desperation. Tears were streaming down my face and evaporating quickly due to the heat that filled the air and my lungs. Suddenly a pair of fire-guarded arms grabbed me and pulled me away from the wreckage. I kicked and screamed, trying to tell them my sister and best friend were in there and I had to save them. Suddenly the world returned to the black and white and I collapsed to my knees, right in front of Rica’s door. That’s right… They both died… because… I couldn’t save them… They died because of me… It was my fault they died. An unspeakable pain filled me and I clutched at my chest. It was all my fault. I couldn’t save them. So they died. They’re dead. Two of the most important people in my life… gone… forever… because of me… In anguish I screamed as loud as I could, clutching at my head. With my scream the fire came back, but I couldn’t feel it… No I was cold all over. I screamed again and curled into a ball, sobbing and begging the fire to burn me away. It was all my fault… I couldn’t save them… I fell silent and lay there limply. The fire turned into the darkness and began to surround me and consume everything. It was my fault they died… I closed my eyes and accepted my fate to be trapped in the darkness forever.        

            Flakes of glowing snow drifted past my face, making me open my eyes at the sudden light. I blinked at them and slowly sat up, looking around at the snow in confusion. What the…? Somewhere in my mind Lynn softly called me an idiot and told me to get up. Silently I obeyed and got to me feet as everything changed around me. I was on the trail leading to our house, snow falling with a quickening rate. Slowly I began to walk down the trail.  Smelling the smoke, I began to run. I stopped the moment I could see it and my eyes widened in shock as I saw the entire portion of the house stretching from Rica’s room to our kitchen had completely collapsed. Seconds later I saw a fireman carry me out of the house, still kicking and screaming… But… Lynn and Rica… were already dead… That crash… was the roof collapsing… I wouldn’t have been able to save them, even if I cleared the debris. I watched in a silent shock as the scene slowly changed to a hospital room with me covered in bandages getting out of my bed and getting dressed in only a tee-shirt and shorts, before silently leaving the hospital. I followed myself in almost a trance as I somehow made the way to our house… It was nothing more than charred remains now. I saw myself fall to my knees in the snow, looking at the house in horror. The snow began to fall again and I watched myself cry up to the sky. The entire world blurred and I saw myself lying limp in the snow, and I didn’t have to even walk over to know that I had died. I laughed softly at the irony of my death; I had almost died in the fire, only to freeze to death looking at the fire’s remains.

            I walked in the snow for a while, thinking of everything that I had just seen. Somehow I knew that Lynn and Rica had instant deaths and that consoled me only slightly. I watched the ground where I walked, quickly discovering that - like my house - I was grey too. Why did this happen? Am I supposed to do something? I stopped and sighed deeply, looking up at the sky. If I am… then I have no idea what I’m supposed to do… Rebirth. I shuddered at the sudden foreign thought in my head and stopped. Rebirth? How am I supposed to? Suddenly I was in a world of grey. I looked around hurriedly and saw something darker than black slowly creeping towards me, but it was getting faster. Without thinking I began to run away from it. As I ran I found my location changing; the well-lit day before the fire, my house burning as it snowed outside and once again through the snow. I closed my eyes and ran until I couldn’t. I panted heavily and opened my eyes a crack, only to look down at my own grave. I began to back away, when I noticed Lynn and Rica’s graves next to mine. I stopped and looked at them, tears welling up in my eyes. I collapsed to my knees in front of them and sobbed ‘I’m sorry’ until my voice went hoarse. I heard a soft laugh behind me and turned to see Lynn and Rica smiling down at me. Rica patted me on the head and softly told me I had nothing to be sorry about, and Lynn smiled and said thank you for at least trying to save us. I began to apologize and say it was all my fault but Lynn hushed me, and simply said that it was out of my control. Rica laughed and joined in by telling me that I was being silly, that I wasn’t at fault for anything but almost saving them. Slowly I smiled up at them and they vanished with the snow. I looked down at my hands and noticed some of the colour had come back… It… wasn’t my fault, was it? They just said that… I looked up towards the sky and blinked away a few more tears. They said thanks… In a sudden moment of realization, I stood up and looked back at their graves. I don’t have to blame myself anymore… “Souta!” because… they don’t even blame me… “Souta!” So… I can…forgive myself.

            “Souta!” I jolted awake at the sudden shout and sat up. “Finally!” Rica sighed deeply, “You’ve been asleep forever!”

            “I had a really weird dream…” I muttered and rubbed my eyes,

            “I know! You did a lot of talking in your sleep! But you wouldn’t wake up!”

            “Sorry…” I muttered and looked away,

            “It’s fine! But, come on, Lynn is here! We’re going to the field together, all of us, remember?” She asked and pulled on my sleeve,

            “I remember, I remember.” I smiled and got out of bed, “Just let me get changed alright?”

            “Alright!,” she shouted and ran off. Sighing I looked around my room and smiled. After getting dressed I walked outside to meet Rica and Lynn, and when I was outside I looked up at our house. It looked completely different than the one in my dream… I took Rica and Lynn’s hands and we all went to the field surrounded by a forest, where apparently a house burned down at least thirty years ago… Rebirth huh…? No way, it couldn’t be… that’d just be silly.