random things that happen in my life

What drama has been going on for the past week

November 8, 2021 (but i might add another date for more drama that happened later if i need to)

also, there's gonna be a lot of phsycological thinking and im sorry if it doesn't make sense or if (in your case) it's not true.

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so for about 2 days, we kinda avoided each other, ya know, there was no direct contact.

so ya know, that has been going on for almost a week now.

so, yesterday at recess (again, our school is fucking stupid), natalie asked paddy if he liked me.

(btw, natalie is a girl in our grade who was kinda getting ignored by her friends, so she kinda wormed her way into our friend group, but no complaints here).

and he just said no. like "no." just flat out, no questions about it.

but, i'm not like most other girls. instead of believing what he said, giving up, being depressed, finding a new boy, i started using my logic and my minor truth-seeing skills. 

(and yes, gender confirmed, i am a girl, in case anyone was confused)

you see, natalie had perfectly demonstrated the way he said it. Most people when you ask them if they like (insert someone's name), they're gonna say no no matter what. you have to pay attention to HOW he said it.

like:
-how fast it took him to respond
-the tone of voice in which he said it
-where his eyes were looking
-his face color
-how fast he said it
-whether he just said "no" or if he said something else like "of course not"

so, after considering all of these things, i was just sitting there lost in thought wondering whether he meant it. cuz, i always knew that he was gonna say no even when i asked her to ask him. that much was obvious. but i had to think about some things. 

like, first of all, even if he did like me, HE WOULD'NT tell natalie, i mean, she's a girl and the main thing about our grade to know if you have a secret is this:

Girls will tell all the girls everything because theres a bunch of friend overlaps.
boys will tell all the boys everything because they're all just really good friends.
there are some girl/boy overlaps where the girls will tell the boys.

so in the end pretty much everybody knows everything

so, Paddy definitely wouldn't tell natalie the truth because she's a girl and she's my friend so she would definitely come running back to tell me.

so, here's what i'm thinking (ok well really i'm hoping that this is what he's thinking):

he tried to dismiss it and make it seem like it was easy answer, no need to think about it. and he tried to make it seem like he didn't care. 

to understand this, i have to put myself in his shoes, which is easy cuz i've been there before.

when ur thinking about this shit, u have to think about how YOU act when you get asked whether you like someone, because i'm pretty sure most people act the same way.

when you get asked if you like someone, usually ur gonna say no, because you don't wanna be embarassed, and you try to make it seem as casual as possible, but deep down ur freaking out.

so that's what i think happened. he said that, trying to be as calas possible and, like, his mind racing at the same time or something, honestly guys i dunno.

I apologize for any brain cells lost while trying to understand what i just wrote.

bye yall