All I Want for Christmas

December 4th

Faiths POV

Last night I couldn't sleep. And not just because of seeing Harry for the first time in 6 years yesterday. But because my little town in Texas is nothing like New York.

In New York I'm used to falling asleep to the sound of car horns honking, and people yelling at each other at 2 o'clock in the morning. I am used to lights pouring in through my bedroom window even in the dead of night. I am used to loud and busy noises.

I am no longer used to quiet night time. I am no longer used to pitch black night time. Sleeping in my childhood bedroom is one that I am no longer used to.

I found myself tossing and turning all night due to the quiet and stillness of the small town. But also tossing and turning due to my brain not shutting off.

"Faith"

He only spoke one word to me and suddenly my brain won't shut off. I try to push out the memories of our time together growing up, of our friendship and love. But most importantly I try to push out the nightmare of how we ended everything.

The nightmare of the last time we saw each other. The last time we spoke.

I wrap the throw blanket tighter around my shoulders as a soft gust of wind blows through the air making me shiver. It's early in the morning. So early that mom and dad have still yet to come out of their room.

My empty cup of coffee sits on the porch table as I watch the sun rise off in the distance. The soft light of the rising sun setting a nice pink/orange glow to the morning sky. My favorite porch chair is nestled back in the corner of the porch, just away from invading eyes of nosey neighbors. But with how early it currently is, I don't have any worry about neighbors staring at me.

Staring at the rising sun causes my head to think back on the events of yesterday.

Mom was not happy with me after I left Harry's store to wait in the car. But how could I stand there for any longer?

How could I stand there and look at his beautiful face without thinking about our last interaction. How could I not think about how in the time when I needed him most, he cut me out of his life so sharply. He didn't care about my feelings as he yelled at me in the middle of the street. He didn't care about never seeing me again as he yelled at me to go back to New York and never come back.

He didn't care.

I waited in the car biting my fingernails as mom and dad made their way out of Harry's shop with goodies in bags. When they got into the car it was silent. Dad looked at me through the rear view mirror with a look of pity, while mom didn't even glance in my direction.

They never got the full story of why Harry and I ended. They never got to hear the full reason of why I haven't been home in years. They never knew how badly this town fucked me over.

"I'm sorry" I whispered out while looking down at my hands. Knowing that mom was disappointed in my reaction to seeing Harry again.

Mom and Anne always routed for us. I'm pretty sure they started planning our wedding back when we were 10. They always wanted us to end up together in the long run, and for a while they got their wish. Everyone around town knew we were the best friends that grew up together. We were inseparable ever sine the curly headed boy moved into my town back in the 2nd grade. We were best friends turned into lovers. According to everyone else in town we were always meant to be in love. But things never last forever.

After my apology in the car mom sighed out and turned around to look at me softly. "Whatever happened to you two?"

I inhale sharply at her question and turn to look at the window. "We just weren't meant to be." I say softly with a shrug as I feel my heart break all over again at my words.