For The Love Of a Daughter (One Direction Fanfic)

Chapter 2: Memories

Chapter 2: Memories

            After I served dinner to my mum and dad I went upstairs to my room to shower. When I to take my shower it’s the only time of day where I have peace to myself and I don’t get yelled at. I don’t get called horrible names, it’s just me, which sometimes can be just as bad. After so long of hearing him call me those names I started to believe it.

               As I walk into the bathroom I look in the mirror hanging above the sink. All the things he called me were swarming around in my head. Slut. Whore. Worthless. Klutz. Unloved. Fat. ‘You know that you are all those things and more, so don’t think anything else.’ The voice in my head tells me.

         I used to think good things about myself when I still had my brother around. He was two years older than me and always knew had to make me feel better when I was little. I haven’t seen him since the first day my father had hit me.

                                                  *Flashback*

           As I lay on the on the ground against the door with the visible handprint on my face I heard the front door slam.

        “Mum, dad, Cal I’m home.” called out my 6 year old brother. School must have just gotten out because I was too young to go yet.

My father still had that clouded look in his eyes and didn’t answer my brother. My mother was still bleeding on the floor and I was frozen in place lying by the door. By the time my brother reached us my dad had finally turned around and was awaiting him. ‘Please don't hurt him’ I thought to myself as my Liam approached the hall.

All I heard was a gasp as I was trying to look around my father’s looming figure to see my brother and get him to help. He may have only been six at the time, but he was a very bright child.

“What have you done to mum and Callie?” he asked in disbelief. As if seeing her mangled body and my red face wasn’t proof enough.

“Your mum has been doing naughty things and your sister will turn out just like her. I you don’t wanna end up like them go get your sister to bed and do your homework.” My father explained. You could clearly hear the strain in his voice trying to calm himself.

“Ok. Just please don’t hurt mum again.” Liam replied, his voice braking at the end.

“Just go help her and leave my sight!!!” my father yelled towards the young boy.

Liam had a horrified look on his as he ran towards me. His brown eyes looked slightly weary as he picked me up and carried me to my bed. You could tell he feared this new personality that my father was showing.

As he laid me in my bed and tucked to covers around me nice a tight he rubbed my red cheek softly as he sang a lullaby. He sang one to me every night since we shared a room. Just as the pain from the earlier events was washing away and sleep was taking over, he whispered words into my blonde curls.

“Don’t worry Callie. Mum will be fine and tomorrow I’ll get help.”

I sleepily nodded as he kissed my forehead and headed to his bed. But the next morning when I woke up he was no where to be found. My big brother left. The only hope I had was gone, he never came back from getting help and a piece of my heart has been gone ever since.

                                     *End Flashback*

I didn’t realize that I was crying until I felt the wetness roll down my cheek. It’s been thirteen years since I’ve seen my brother and I still have no clue what happened to him. That morning he went out looking to get help and never came home. My father always blamed me and told me that it was my fault he went looking for help and that I told him to go. My mum was the kind one and never blamed me. But she never talked anyway, so I couldn’t know for sure.

After my dad started abusing my mum more and more she just stopped talking. Like all together, no words would come out of her mouth. You could get the occasional nod from her, but other that, nothing.

That was another thing that bugged my father so he hit her harder. But she would still never give in. Always silent, even towards me. That’s what made me think she thought it was my fault. She would never talk so she blamed me too.

Everyone always blamed me for everything. But what did I ever to wrong? Nobody had an answer to that question. Even the kids at school thought I made Liam run away. I had no friends after that because if someone got close to me, they thought they would disappear too.

Since I started school I’ve been bullied. Even by the kids that get bullied themselves. No sympathy towards me whatsoever. For living in such a small town like Chelmsford, news traveled quickly. I’m sure I was the only 5 year old to be gossiped about by the nursery school parents.

‘You deserved to be talked about’ said the voice. She’s like when people have a conscience but in a horrible way. It puts me down and makes me do horrible things.

‘Look in the mirror and see that ugly face. You know what you want to do to get rid of the pain. Do it. One little cut isn’t going to kill you. Do it.’ She said in my head. Do it kept echoing over and over. The only way to get her out was to cut.

I’ve been self-harming ever since I turned ten. I read about it in a book and it said it helped the character cope with the pain. Ever since I tried it it’s become an addiction.  

The first time I put the razor to my skin was the first night I had heard her voice. It was also the first night I had totally lost hope.

Hope that someone would come and save me like in Cinderella or Snow White. Hope that my brother would finally show up one day. Hope that everything was going to be alright. But when I made that first cut, that little scratch on my left wrist, all of it left. All of the things I had been hoping for the past six years, just gone. None of it left. That was the day I learned that there’s no such thing a hope.