It hurt when I stumbled across her, she's like a broken glass all along the floor, but she's beautiful and my curiosity got the best of me. I remember looking at her and I could see was pain. She had this insane look of desperation and you could almost feel it. Her eyes were still hollow and the life had been sucked out of her. I want to pick up her pieces, I want to put her back together again and so I tried. I really did. I got a little cut along the way. The more I tried to fix her, the more fragile I had become and I didn't care. All I want to do is see her happy and I wanted to make her laugh. She started to get better and had the power to walk away and instead of leaving, she stayed. She stayed with me. We're stuck here, sitting at the lake, where I had first found her hurt and broken. There are no more broken pieces of glass but instead a wall of security.
The colours of her eyes are as pretty as any piece of art I've ever seen. She's a masterpiece, the paint brush creating smooth lines on the canvas and staggered edges. The colours were glassy and sheer. The one thing that I remember in art is the techniques and strokes, how they create different textures. Her eyes crinkle when she smiles and I know it's real. Her smile is breathtaking and I wonder whether or not I'm still alive at every glance of it. Her dimples were deep and cheerful. I remember hearing her sobs and wonder if it's still the same Rachel, I had first met. I like this one better. Her body is curved at the waist, creating an hourglass, ticking the seconds away until complete destruction of my mind. Her hair is waved and I now realise why my mother felt the beach was calming, because the waves take you to a different place.
I watch Rachel and I see beauty, I see all she is and all she was. Her hair blowing with the breeze and rustling of leaves on the ground. The water rippling and the cool air against my skin, giving me goose bumps. She's by the water, lost in her thoughts as her fingers run through the grass, plucking out the strands every so often. I scroll through my Instagram and hover past a post, that catches my attention, "Maybe the little bruises and cuts that are on your body are actually injuries that happened to your soul mate and you get the same marks on your skin as them", is what it reads. It makes sense. Keenan is gone, my mother is gone. I look at my wrist, and see the scars running across them, just like the ones Rachel has. I look at my collarbone, but am disappointed to see that there are no bruises outlining my skin.
I don't know how it came to this, because when I was five a simple bruise was the end of the world. I had become the person my mother had become, hurting myself and making slits in my skin. It's now that it's only Rachel and myself that I realise how dependent I am on her, how without her I couldn't breathe and that if she left it would hurt more than anything. I'm afraid that she'd leave me, the way my mother did and that her breaths would no longer be there to soothe the pain of my soul. She'd leave me in this world without the most important person in my life. I would go anywhere for her, the centre of the earth or to Antarctica just to be with her.
I never thought I'd find someone like her, but instead God guided me to her. My sickness was terminal and threatened to kill me with every spoken word by others or any thought. Rachel is my remedy; she is the only thing keeping me alive now. She isn't something I inhale or consume. My doctor didn't prescribe me to her. I know if I overdose on her, it can stop my heart and even worse, break it. She's so special. She doesn't need anyone. That's the thing, we're together but she doesn't need me. She is strong, not physically but mentally and she knows it. She could go perfectly fine without me. But she's stayed. The first time I kissed her.
One kiss, I was totally hooked. Addicted, like a drug. I never knew where to look for love, but I found it. It's the most beautiful thing the world could give us. She's here and now I know why my mother wanted to me to understand the concept of it. I understand why she chose Keenan, because without him, there was no beauty in the world - at least not for her. After all this time, I know exactly where to find love.
izonL4ŗ
