I still remember the day you drifted away from me. For all those months you weren't here I tried to make myself believe that I don't care anymore. At first it was difficult, it was hell, it was devastating but you never had an idea.
You will never know the feeling, you will never see through this eyes. Kasi nga, wala kana. You left me all alone, you left when I needed you most. Pero ano bang magagawa ko?
I'm so reliant, ikaw kasi eh. Sinanay mo akong magrely parati sayo. Every little thing I do reminds me of you. I had the greatest memories with you and remembering them will surely hurt again. You said, you'll stick with me. You said, you won't leave me. Pero asan kana ngayon?
I'm so dependent, and it's because of you again. Di mo kasi ako hinayaan na tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa dati. I was used to your presence pero nawala ka nalang bigla. You said you'll be selfish when it comes to me. You said you'll be with me whatever happens. Pero asan kana ngayon?
I'm such a fool. Bakit? Kasi pinaniwalaan kita. Little did I know all those words were sugar-coated lies. Paniwalang-paniwala ako, galing mo ha. Hanga na ako sayo.
Was it my fault that I fell for you? Bawal ba akong ma-fall sayo? Sana naman nung una palang sinabi mo na para naman I could stop myself. You should've posted a signboard for me to know my limit. But to tell you honestly, hindi ka naman kasi mahirap mahalin. You are every girls' ideal type.
I still remember that day na may mga girls na pumalibot sayo, well you being the good guy you entertained them. Sabi mo pa nga, every girl should be cherished. Ganun ka eh, that's your nature. Kaya nga na-fall ako sayo diba? You treated me so special to the point na akala ko it was something pero it was nothing pala.
So ayun, umasa ako. I don't want to have a what if, especially with you. Kasi nga, akala ko iba ka. Akala ko you'll be that guy who'll sweep off my feet pero as I've said, akala ko lang. Pang ilang akala ko na ba ito? I can't merely count. Siguro kung may Best in Akala Award lang, for sure ako na makakatanggap nun. Great right?
That day when you started losing the grip, nagbago na lahat. My friends even asked me kung ano bang nangyari, what is it that happened to us bakit iniiwasan mo ako. Wala akong masagot sa mga tanong nila. Even I myself don't know the answers to their questions. It was sudden eh, di ako prepared. Di ka kasi nagpasabi man lang na iiwas ka pala.
I almost died. Di ko kinaya eh. Masakit lang kasi talaga. Dati rati whenever we cross paths kahit malayo ka pa, you always shout my name tapos kakaway kana. But now it was total opposite, kulang nalang nga gumawa ka ng sarili mong hallway para lang di mo ako makita or makasalubong sa school. Wala naman akong nakakahawang sakit eh, puso ko lang masakit sakin. Di ka naman mahahawa sa pagiging broken hearted ko, you were the one who broke it just so you know.
Months have passed. I'm still trying to be okay. By and by I know I will be back to the same old person you've known before. Di ko kinalimutan yung kung ano tayo dati, those memories, laughters, moments, and even those things na nagpapa-alala sayo sakin I'm still keeping it with me.
Remember the last 8 words you've said to me? Kahit kailan di yun mabubura sa alaala ko. Akalain mo, pati yun ite-treasure ko? Pati yun papahalagahan ko?
I love you, but not in that way.
I love you, but not in that way.
I love you, but not in that way.
I love you, but not in that way.
I love you, but not in that way.
Do you remember those words? Maybe you don't. Para san pa na dapat mong tandaan yun? Wala nga lang ako sayo diba? I understand.
I'm sorry for still holding grudges between us, you'll forever stay in my heart. You'll always have this space in me, an empty space with an empty feeling.
x Holly x
~
Some part of this story happened in real life. I cannot. Haha! First one shot, yey! Y(^_^)Y
xx Kaaaaee
