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Chapter 1:Breathe

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  So this my first attempt at writing a fanfiction and frankly I'm not very good at writing but I just gave this a  try and lets just see how this works out. Though Zayn left One Direction for me he's always going to be a part of 1D so he is definitely going to be in this story. I started the first chapter short but it will definitely get better and longer as I go on writing. To anyone who's reading this I appreciate it very very much. Also if anyone is going through a hard time or just want to talk feel free to message me.

NOW ENJOY READING!
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Breathe me

                        
It felt as if someone was choking me with their bare hands.I could feel their fingers around my throat.My breath caught in,my lungs screaming for air, my head pounding as I struggled to Breathe.

I bolted straight up breathing heavily.I must have been screaming because my throat was sore.I took in my surroundings.My feet was tangled with the bedsheet and I was drenched in cold sweat.

"It's just a nightmare.No one is killing me", I whispered to myself as I willed my hands to stop shaking.

I untangled myself from the sheets and unlocked my door. I listened carefully and then peeked around to see if the coast was clear.I couldn't hear anything so I tipped toed to the kitchen.I quickly took a bottle of water and hurried back in my door locking it and slid against the door.I slowly took sips from the bottle as tears started pouring down my cheeks.In no time I was full on crying ,my body racking with each sob that escaped my mouth. I knew what I had to do to feel numb and calm myself down.I crawled into the bathroom and took out my black box.I opened it and held the sharpest of my blades.

"I always knew you wouldn't leave me" I whispered.

I placed it on my wrists and made Two cuts. I pushed down my sweatpants and started shredding my thighs until I was numb. When I was done I was covered in blood.When did I get so destructive?I put the box back and started cleaning myself. When I was sure that I hadn't left any evidence I went back in my room and noted the time.

4:30 am.

I could never go back to sleep after that nightmare  so instead I started studying for my biology exam which due next week. I had to get good grades because I needed to get out of here. I accepted the fact that I could never please my mother no matter how I tried. When I was younger I pushed myself to the extremes trying to be as perfect as I can be just to get a nod of approval from the person I call my mother. But I never did. I accepted that I would never be good enough for her. I tried to avoid her as much as I could to avoid any confrontation but her slicing words always found me cutting into my heart like a butcher's knife. So no matter how good I performed it never satisfied my standards. I just about played Soccer and basketball and ran track during spring. My only solace was the paint brush. Each stroke on the canvas felt like I was leaving a part of me with it .The lush green of the trees the sienna brown color of the bark of trees or be it the colors at play during the sunset. Art was my escape.

When I had finished studying it was already 7:30 am. School started at 8:00 so I went to get ready.I picked out a white full sleeved shirt and a jeans.I don't do makeup.I brushed my hair and left it down so that it rested my shoulders.I picked up my bag put on my boots.I went down in the kitchen and took an apple and a granola  bar with that I left for school.