Soulbound

36. Ashe

I wake long before Dani stirs from her drug-induced slumber. The light filtering in through the blinds, bathing the bedroom in the pale blue glow of dawn, tells me that the sun is still sleeping, too.

How long was I asleep for? An hour, maybe four?

Whatever the time, it was long enough for Dani's legs to escape from the sheets that caged them and become entangled with my own. Her chin cut into my collarbone, hot breath tickling my neck as her fingers wove themselves lazily through my hair. With the heat that simmered in my veins at her close proximity, it was a miracle I was able to fall asleep at all.

My mind still whirled from the conversation that took place earlier. The implications of the choice I had to make hung over my head like an executioner's axe and I grew dizzy just thinking about it. I was no hero and Dani seemed convinced that I was not a monster. I knew better, though. I knew that nothing but death would find her if she stayed bound to me, either by the dangers that lurked in the shadows that surrounded us or by the demon that lurked within me.

I was a weapon, a Reaper. Death tainted everything I touched. Dani was kind and selfless, if a little naive. She did not belong to this world any more than I belonged in hers. My humanity for Dani's freedom. Her life for my soul. My head pounded as I tried to mentally calculate the value of each. But was one really worth more than the other?

The weight of it all was nearly paralyzing and laying so close to the cross I bore was not helping me think straight. I needed to get out and clear my head.

With about as much grace as I can muster, I slip my arm out from under the barista and roll myself out of bed. I'm across the room in a millisecond, but as I spare a glance over my shoulder a sigh of relief escapes me. Dani continues to slumber, unaware of my absence.

I quickly change clothes and am halfway out the door when something stills me. My fingers dig into the wooden doorframe as I try to fight it, but the compulsion pulls at my heartstrings and reels me back inside. Before I can rationalize what the hell I'm doing, I walk over and press my lips against Dani's forehead. Her brow crinkles for a moment and then relaxes as her mouth twists into a contented smile. Damn, that's cute.

Startled by my own impulse, I frown and take a step back. I'm not sure what possessed me to do that. She was not conscious enough to command me and yet I had wanted to do it all the same. The worst part of all was that I knew where it stemmed from.

There was a small yet persistent fear that dwelled in the darkest corners of my heart, gaining in strength like a slow-moving storm the longer I tiptoed around this invisible line set between Dani and I. It was a fear that I thought I had conquered until recently. A fear that this barista seems to have awoken the moment she put my ring on her finger and intertwined our lives. It was like I was watching a movie that I've seen a hundred times over; I know how it ends and yet I'm powerless to change it.

I never had the chance to say goodbye to Emelie before her life was taken, or to Jeanne before she was struck down. There was so much that had been left unsaid, unspoken words I had carried around like shackles over the centuries. I was not sure if I could bear the weight of it all over again.

Gritting my teeth, I shove that notion to the furthest depths of my mind and leave the room before another ridiculous impulse can overtake me. My thoughts are jumbled and my perception is skewed. I needed to clear my damn head.

***

I found Nadia painting in her studio downstairs. It was a small room at the far end of the townhouse, but in the short time that I lived here it had quickly become one of my favorites.