Behind the Fire

A Waking Nightmare

I floated in nothing. Everything around me was black. I stretched my hands out, yet touched nothing. I looked around and saw only one little star, as if a cloudy sky only relented to one. I tried to walk, run, swim, even fly towards that star, but it always seemed just out of reach.

Suddenly, it began to grow rapidly smaller. I was falling, I realized. I desperately reached for that star, doing everything in my power to not lose it. My hands grasped at air, my lungs filled with water. I began drowning. I won't give up! I can't give up.

I started to propel myself forward with small, quick explosions. I got closer and closer finally, and held that star close to my face. It glowed bright and warm. I pulled it into my chest as it expanded, swallowing me whole. I opened my eyes and my vision was blurry with tears. I could barely make out the crowd of people as I thrashed and reached for them. They never moved.

HELP ME, DAMNIT! GET ME OUT!

"Katsuki! Hey, Bakugo! Wake up!"

My eyes flew open to see a messy mop of green hair over me. I stared into big green eyes that were so much more inviting than the darkness I had just endured. I shot up, panting. My knuckles were white as I nearly strangled my blanket. I shook with shivers, yet I was burning.

"Kacchan?" I recognized the voice belonging to Deku. Simultaneously, I realized he hadn't used my actual names in our entire lives. I must have really freaked him out.

"I-I'm fine," I tried to breathe deeply and evenly, counting to 10 under my breath. My grip on my blanket slackened, but my heart couldn't stop pounding.

"You were screaming. Did you have a nightmare?" He sat next to me, but didn't dare touch me.

"I was," I swallowed, "dreaming about that day. The day All Might saved me."

"But it wasn't about being saved, was it?" Deku's voice was soft with concern and compassion.

"No, no it wasn't," I took one long, deep breath. It was now or never. "Izuku."

"Yeah, Kacchan?" He was surprised by hearing his name; I felt him stiffen slightly.

"You remember what life was like before my quirk came in? How we were back then?"

A small chuckle, "Well, of course I do. We were best friends. You stayed over at my house nearly every day cause your mom was so angry all the time."

I sighed, "Yeah. That. I don't think I ever thanked you or your parents for that. You all helped me through a tough time. I may not be here today if it weren't for you all."

"Oh, no need to thank us! My mom was always worried about you. She befriended your mom to keep an eye on you growing up." Deku smiled.

I never knew that. 

"I'm sorry I picked on you for so long. Once I got my quirk, the abuse was worse. I trained with other kids to impress my mom so she would stop hitting me. It worked, but I had to keep that act up no matter what. She forced you out of my life, and I let her. When I told you to kill yourself, I'd hoped you would take it as a cry for help. I didn't mean it, and I would never mean it."

Deku touched my shoulder, "I never gave up on you, Kacchan. I knew you were destined for greatness. If I stood in your way, then so be it. I wish I had known sooner, though. I'm glad you shared this with me." His smile was warm, and I felt a relief I never knew existed.

"Did anyone else wake up?" I felt a sudden rush of anxiety wash over me.

"I don't think so. I was the only one walking around and I didn't see anyone."

I sighed with relief," Good. I don't need everyone asking what's wrong."

"How long has this been going on, Kacchan?"

"Since I was a kid. I went to therapy behind my mom's back. She said I had PTSD and taught me how to regain control during an anxiety or panic attack. Still trying to get meds for it."

"Wow, seems like that therapist was good for you."

"She was," I nodded, "I stopped going once high school started. I didn't have time between classes and training, now hero work. I am hesitant to get meds cause the side effects could be damaging to my hero skills. So I just have the techniques she taught me."

Deku nodded with understanding, "I won't tell anyone, Kacchan. You can keep up the act around others, but if you need me, I'll be here no matter what. Maybe embracing your pain would actually help you in your hero work. There's lots of medications out there; one is bound to help."

I understood what he was trying to say, and maybe he was right. I can't face my mother just yet, but maybe I could slacken the animosity towards the others; become more like Deku.

"Lets talk to Icy H- I mean Shoto. He's been through similar things, maybe he'd have some advice."

Deku's face broke out in a smile, "Yeah, That's a good idea! We can all meet up tomorrow if you'd like?"

I smiled back, "Yeah, that sounds good. I need to sleep first. Hopefully I don't have any more nightmares."

Deku nodded and stood up, "Of course, Kacchan. I'll be down the hall if you need me."

"Oh, hey Deku?"

"Yeah, Kacchan?"

"Thank you."