G.A.B.O.S. (Original Version)

Chapter XXII

Jenay stared at Tamia from the other side of the waiting room. She appeared calm on the outside, but she was overwhelmed with emotion on the inside. She felt guilty for what she'd done to her, but she was happy to see that she was alive and well. At the same time, she wasn't exactly sure how she felt about seeing her eighteen-year-old holding a toddler and showing up to the hospital with Tremaine. Though he was a step up from December, she didn't want her to be with any man. She didn't when she gave her away, either, but her habit had clouded her judgement for a moment. Now that she had been sober for almost four years, the severity of what she'd done was a bit too much for her to wrap her mind around.

At that moment, Jenay wanted nothing more than to go over to Tamia and speak to her. She wanted to tell her that she'd grown up to be gorgeous, and that not a single day had passed where she didn't think about her. She wanted to apologize to her and find out what she was like now, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't even know how to begin a conversation with Tamia.

"Be a fucking woman and say something to me, or find something else to look at."

Jenay jumped when Tamia spoke. She noticed that the sleeping child she was holding stirred a little but didn't wake up. Feeling as though she no longer had a choice but to speak to Tamia, she walked over to her and claimed the empty seat beside her. She watched as Tamia lifted her chair and moved over. "Hi, Mia," she said quietly.

"That's it? After five years, that's all you have to say to me?" Tamia rolled her eyes. "You can keep that shit."

"No, that's not it. I have a lot to say to you. For starters, I'm sorry, Tamia. I feel awful for what I did to you. You didn't deserve that."

"I already know I didn't deserve it. Let me tell you something you don't know. For years, I said that I was going to fuck you up if I ever saw you again. You're lucky that we crossed paths under these circumstances. This is neither the time nor the place, so I'm going to hold off on whooping your ass for now."

"You're angry and you have every right to be. But I need you to understand that I was in a very bad place then. You know that I loved you- I still do- with everything in me, but drugs can make people do terrible things. After I gave you away, I couldn't even enjoy getting high anymore because I was plagued by guilt. I'm clean now, and I have been for a very long time. I've wanted to find you and make things right for years, but I didn't know how to go about the situation."

"So your plan was to... what? Eventually get over it and move on?"

"No. Absolutely not. That would imply that I could forget about you, Tamia. Even if I wanted to, which I don't, I see your face every time I look at Tamaya. That's my other daughter. She's five, and she looks just like her big sister." Jenay smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Speaking of daughters-" she looked at Tania- "is she yours?"

Tamia nodded. "Her name's Tania. She'll be three soon."

"Three?" Jenay's heart sank. While math was an area she excelled in, she didn't have to do much thinking to figure out that eighteen minus three equaled too-damn-young. "Is Mr. Zarell the-"

"Did you sell me to Tremaine? Use your damn head."

"Sorry." Jenay pushed Tamia's hair behind her ear and observed her eyes. The light brown color caused her to smile. "You're not mad at me?"

Tamia looked at her mother. "I wanna be mad at you, but I'm not. That doesn't change the fact that I plan to fuck you up, though. I hated you for a long time, but it was taking too much of my energy. You gave me away to a pimp who only knows how to get rid of his anger with his fists, but whatever. It is what it is. I'm over it."