Acceptance | Gay MxM |

12. To End It All

[Trigger Warning: This chapter is very intense! There will be a panic attack, some self-harm, and a suicide attempt!]

-Randall-

"Everybody knows you want it. You're a squealy little whore!"

I fought so hard, but I couldn't make him stop. Dad was laughing inside my head like a maniac, saying things that were not true. I didn't want to have anything to do with Cole. I didn't!

"Whore!! Disgusting fag! Pig! Die you freak! Die before you become one of them! Just kill yourself! You don't deserve to live!"

I was hyperventilating by the time I reached my building. The sides of my head were stinging, but I could not stop trying to get my dad out of my head. I was forced to stop to look at my reflection in the glass door. Seeing myself made me want to throw up again.

It was not me who looked back in the glass. It was my father. I could almost see him get ready to hit me, his eyes red from anger.

"I didn't raise a fag!! I didn't raise a fucking bitch!! I should've killed you when I had the chance!!"

With shaky hands, I tried to find my keys. I kept my head down so I didn't have to see him. But I still had to hear him.

I just wanted it to stop...

I wanted out...

I...

Finally, I got the door open and hurried to the stairs. I paid no attention to the fact that the door never closed behind me, not until I heard a second pair of footsteps following me.

"Randall, please, let me help you!"

I sprung around in the middle of the stairs and saw Cole at the bottom.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled and continued my way up.

I ran the last steps as fast as I could, but he caught up with me when I fumbled with the lock of my apartment.

"I'm sorry, but I can't leave you alone right now. You're too unstable to be left alone!" he tried to say, but as soon as I got the door open, I turned to face him, and pushed him hard on his chest.

"And who's fault is that?! I told you I didn't want your fucking burgers! I told you to leave me alone! I don't want your help! I don't want anything from you!"

Since my plan was to get rid of him, I didn't waste a second to turn around and get inside my apartment. I thought he'd give up now, but he grabbed the door before I could close it.

"I'm not leaving you alone like this," he said sternly, with a great deal of pain in his eyes.

I almost regretted every word I just said when I saw that look. I was so close to giving up and letting him back in. A big part of me wanted his help, begging for his comfort...