The Carrero Heart - The Journey (Book 2 of Heart Trilogy)

Chapter 3

I unload my clothes from my bag into my wardrobe, alone in my bedroom while Jenny and Christian are being shown to guest rooms downstairs, after a less stressful drive from the airport. Jake had two cars waiting for us upon landing; thankfully Arrick went with his brother and Nate in the other car and left us three to head to my parents" home in peace. My head and heart still reeling with the after-effects of being so near him for that journey. I just feel drained, uptight and antsy, like I am all out of whack and I can't get my act together. I need some cooling off time to breathe and accept the fact that YES, that asshole still fucks me up whether I like it or not.

Whether he deserves it to or not!

I'm taking some time out after being welcomed home by my mom and dad, getting my head together after seeing him again. I must admit, I need this more than I thought I would. Being around him still hurts more than it should, part of me aching for how we used to be and hating the distance between us now, despite everything.

I hate how much I still miss him, even after months of not seeing him. Time has not eased the severity of my pain or longing. It's not getting any easier. If anything, the depth of how much I miss him has only worsened, the longer it's been. I hoped this would eventually get better, not worse, and seeing him is torture.

I hate that I am this pathetic, that despite the pep talks, the late-night tears until I fall asleep and the willingness to just hate him. I can't. There is too much that he did for me in my past that still lingers too close to my heart.

He took me under his wing, introduced me to his friends and his lifestyle. He sheltered me from everyone and let me use him as a human shield whenever I needed one. He lifted my mood when I couldn't get out of bed and he brought me movies and hugs when I was sick. Even when he left for trips or college, he never broke contact. He always came home, and I was always the first person he came to see. Always with some sort of gift from his absence, a trinket, or a keepsake, or one of the ten million stuffed unicorns I own.

Then in one fell swoop, he became someone I didn't know, who threw all that in my face and turned his back on me. I don't get how he could have turned out to be the best thing in my life, to the absolute worst, in one change of feelings. I never thought he would be the one to deliver the blow to my heart that could completely ruin me. I guess I should have learned a long time ago, that in the end, everyone you let in ultimately hurts you. The only person you can rely on is yourself.

I finish hanging up my clothes and wander to my en-suite to run a bath. I need to unwind before dinner with my family, Jenny, and Christian. Leila wants to meet my besties before her party and I don't really want to face anyone until I am more able to carry on this ruse, that Arry and I are how we have always been, with all of them. No one knows, no one suspects anything, and I hope at the party it won't be obvious that we no longer talk.

It will break my parents" hearts to know I have lost the one person in my life who held me together for years. I don't want to tell them, don't want them to hate him or feel sorry for me. I want everyone to assume that life is normal, fine, and rosy, and it's so much easier to never bring him up when they come to the city. They all just assume we are still hanging out.

I want to pamper and beautify myself for my grand entrance at my sister's party tomorrow, show everyone how far I have come in such a brief time, and act like everything is alright.

***

"So, you're not dating either of them then?" Leila looks pointedly at Christian across the table, waving her fork with that crazy narrowed gaze. Christian smiles sassily, perched between Jenny and me at my parents dinner table and gives a little shrug. Everyone looking his way as dinner has started to get underway with the first bout of sisterly interrogation. We have barely had time to get our starter down our necks and she is on his ass. Completely predictable Leila.