Anxiety, Yes Anxiety is what keeps me up at night.
It takes over my body.
I wake up at 1:00 so I stay up the rest of the night till school and go to bed by 7am the next day.
I used to go back to sleep I was able to talk with my mom to be a source of releif.
It's not like that anymore, he has her now. Just like when I was little I can barley go talk to my own mother. He's my step dad in a different type of version.
They think they have the right to always have a worry. When she's my mom, I lose her then nothing means anything. I can't get a new mom.
She's my best friend.
I miss how it used to be, but I also don't. I miss talking to my mom whenever I wanted. I miss our late night talks.
I miss it.
When she went to jail, I made the calls, I got her out. When I said my mom doesn't belong in there and I need her Trever said "don't we all" sum shit like that. But yes I got her out. I made sure she got out.
Me.
He doesn't understand so why tell him the reason I need to talk to my mom. I'll just wait till after school casue it's to much work for him to set an alarm for 6:00 at 3:00 In the morning. It take 3 minutes to the max. And the door cant be left unlocked so I can go say bye to my mom in the morning.
I'm losing it and myself. Writing is what keeps me atleast sane.
