Infinity

Chapter 10: Eleanor

Lunch was usually the perfect time for me to write, background noise perfect to keep out oppressive silence, the scratching of my pen against the college rule paper the perfect distraction from my insatiable hunger. I couldn't remember the last time that I ate lunch, and it seemed easier to keep doing that then risk getting caught eating what in my house was considered an "unnecessary meal". Unnecessary or not, I really was hungry. I'm getting off topic. Though writing was one of the best ways to get my mind off of anything and everything, today it just didn't seem to work. My mind kept wandering back to this morning and the events that had taken place, and the people they had taken place with. Specifically, Mason.

It just didn't make sense. Why did he seem to care so much? What was the point? I don't matter, do I? Gosh, it was so much easier to just be background noise, static on a radio station before reaching your favorite song.

I glanced up for inspiration, and immediately came face to face with the Music Club table. Though half of them weren't even in the club, that was what they were known as. Out of all the horrible people in this godforsaken place, the only ones I have ever been truly jealous of were them. Not to say that I never felt a twinge of jealousy when I watched as two friends walked arm-in-arm through the hall, taking up half of the walking space yet having so much fun, seeing a group of people walk out of school making plans for the weekend, sitting next to that overbearing couple that spent almost every waking moment with each other professing their love to each other, until they got board of it and break up. I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually enjoyed myself, and I knew for sure that I'd never hung out with a group of friends before. The last time I had hung out with any friend outside of school was in 6th grade, when I snuck out to go to the movies with one of my only friends at my school. That backfired. Unless you counted Mason... But I doubted he was my friend. Though if he was, I wouldn't necessarily consider it a bad thing.

The people at the Music Club table though. They just seemed so... Happy. Every day, they sat together at the same table, in relatively the same spots, and immediately connected, as if they were all flash drives plugged into the same computer, files mixing and merging into one document detailing what it feels like to live blissfully. I had written about them, though its embarrassing to admit. I could practically see them outside of school, meeting up to go out to eat, go to a movie or a concert or to even sit around in someone's basement listening to music and talking and laughing and cracking jokes and enjoying themselves. The closest people in the group, and the only ones in Music Club, were Penelope, Nathan, Devin, and Jesse. Though Jesse would often disappear or wander off to be alone and act moody, it was obvious that he still cared about all of them. Penelope and Nathan seemed to be the ringleaders, and Devin was really quiet usually, but not very awkward. Together, they seemed unstoppable. I'd always wanted to become a part of a group like that, but of course no one would like to be around me. I was just the snobby rich girl, right? It was pointless to try and get through to me in their eyes. Most days, I didn't even feel as if I deserved to be loved like they were. And besides that, I wouldn't even know how to act around people like that. They were just so much cooler than me. I almost felt like I could relate to them sometimes, but other times I felt as if I was on a whole different planet than them, that they would simply deem me a lost cause and throw me back like a fish from the sea too small for a meal, or mutated by pollution. They were accepting, but I didn't think that they would accept me.

I watched Penelope as she walked over to Mason's table, where he had been sitting alone. I would've sat with him, but something was holding me back. They talked for a moment, and soon Mason was being dragged over to The Table, sitting down in between Penelope and Nathan.

I was surprised that Mrs Jackman had put me and Penelope together as partners, because though I thought she may be one of the coolest people I know, me and her look like complete opposites. Her outfits were spontaneous, though a lot were simply black, and though they seemed worn out she gave them a new life, whereas my clothes were simple, new, pressed and "perfect". She was loud and outgoing, I was quiet, an introvert. This was going to be interesting.