"I swear I got three lives balanced on my head like Stake Knives"- Frank Ocean
It's amazing how I knew you before I knew who- you were... or would become to me. I always saw in you what you didn't see and I worked and slaved effortlessly in assisting you to now see what it really was that made me happy... YOU, were who my motivation stemmed from I fought blood, sweat and tears slowly picking cotton off ya heart that accumulated to a whole wardrobe of years I fell into a pit because that SHIT I couldn't deal with.
I mentally and internally died for you, stepped outside my own body- cracked open my sternum reached in and revived my LIFE for you, if that wasn't enough the Most High Blessed me with the opportunity to give LIFE for you, I slaved for you. Having me as your Queen you weren't ready to do so I bagged off of you, in hopes that one day you'd submit and act on those feelings that you've always had in our lives that passed.....
I walked outside, looked up into the sky and wondered why. Why I fell so deep into someone who wasn't ready for me. I ain't gonna lie I got restless then breathless at the thought of losing you to who knows who! I was blinded by a gift of Christmas Present but it was well after December and it never had a return to sender-In shock! That someone I held so innocently near and dear to my heart instantly became a beat that only I knew the steps to, the twists and the turns to I tapped into, a smile that to my surprise opened an opportunity for things to get jumbled and fly, get lost in the sky and go way up high...
I was FINE with the decision I made and that one small piece of me wish you already did. I was alive again my heart no longer on its knees begging for an opportunity from you to give it. If I never had you then I could never lose you. In my possession a gift of love placed so blatantly in front of me who wouldn't open it? Well opened it, I did, and although I'm just forgiving myself for all of it, my spirit entered in and unlocked a never known feeling of security, blinded by the heart of me a transformation into a person you thought you'd never see secretly involved... well... ME...
BUT no time for apologies I spent most of that time wondering why you fell in love with me becoming more comfortable with the "situation" often times you sat me down to tell me how you wish I could see all the things you see in me. PAUSE. Now doesn't that sound familiar. Immediately - I flashed back into those feelings I had for HE skipping years into the present slowly unraveling the ribbon of my present SHE has now become a part of me traveling free and tapping into an abundance of energies WE are a force to be reckoned with which now brings me to steak knife number 3- ME.
You can't make nobody love you or hold you or want you they have to WANT to...
