star's sky - xiao x reader

- act 4 ☆ final act

xiao hadn't visited you since then.

some time had passed. xiao wasn't exactly aware of how much. he didn't want to think, didn't really want to remind himself that you were laying, lifeless, because of him.

he blamed himself.

why didn't he go there quicker? why didn't he trust his instincts? why did he let himself harm another person again? why was it you? why was it the only person in the world that looked at him as xiao?

his love didn't make you immortal or anything. you still were human, and he dared to forget that.

xiao had many regrets. that he wasn't there for the yakshas. wasn't there for rex lapis. but not returning to you, not being able to save you? that was definitely his biggest one.

more time passed.

it was on a day like the one he met you that he heard the familiar sound of your footsteps.

xiao had drowned himself in his duty. he didn't eat much anymore, barely stopping at all to rush to another hilichurl camp, to wipe out a ruin hunter, or maybe even save some citizen. he was always finding excuses to do something as long as it didn't involve being at wangshu inn.

he was trying to avoid you and being near to you.

'xiao?'

the chime of a celestial bell. it was your voice.

leave, please. get away from me. i don't want to hurt you. we were never meant to be.

'[.],' xiao stated flatly.

'you sound distant. how long have i been asleep for?' you sounded shocked.

'long enough.' xiao didn't look at you. he couldn't. a maelstrom of guilt rose in him. he hurt the person he cared most about.

he was never worthy of anything, and this was just a painful reminder.

he was weak.

'why don't you look at me, xiao?' you sounded genuinely hurt.

'i can't.'

'what did you say?'

'[.], i can't.' everything began to spill out of xiao. pent up guilt, pent up anger, pent up regret, pent up sadness. 'we were never meant to be. can't you see that i'm an adeptus? i'm the vigilant yaksha, someone who isn't human. someone who will just serve their duty until they die.

'you're fragile and mortal. you always have been. i thought you were strong, but maybe not that much so. why did i have such faith in you? i thought you could defeat the ruin guard easily.' xiao laughed bitterly, a hoarse harsh sound, like a knife scraping against glass.

you recoiled physically at that.

'my yaksha duties are beyond your mortal comprehension. you can never understand my insight in the world. here's what i think of the world. it's disgusting. all it's ever done is to hurt me. they sent me the yakshas, rex lapis, and you. your hurt hurt me. i don't care for how beautiful you think the world is. looking at you is a reminder of the pain i've felt, all throughout my life.'

xiao had finally turned around. he saw the hurt bloom across your face. he continued talking.

'i can't believe i ever genuinely loved you. if i hadn't, it would've saved both you and me so much trouble. we couldn't be together. your getting injured was just a sign from the gods.' xiao's mouth felt bitter and dirty. he knew full well the consequences of his words. but hurting you emotionally was much better than putting your life on the line everyday by being with him. 'go before you cause pain for me and you.'

'i hate you, [.].'

xiao turned before he could try to apologise. he saw the tears rolling down your face, the shock that seemed to echo throughout your body, and he took off to the skies.

a singular tear traced an uneven line down his face.

when he returned, he was relieved and disappointed to see you gone.

xiao wanted to apologise, to make amends, but he didn't ask where you were, or try to find you.

he couldn't decide if he was a coward or if he was strong.

you'd be much safer without him to poison you with his karmic debt.

he still regretted breaking yours and his heart like that.

xiao had taken to following you as you lived your daily life.

you were a ray of sunlight, darting about liyue. today you were in liyue harbour. he watched you, almost happy as you talked to some familiar faces and seemed happy and safe.

ever since you left, his thoughts of you never ended. every moment was spent thinking of you. the bright sky, the vibrant sun, rolling plains - of that day he met you. xiao dreams about truly holding you, truly being with you. he knew you loved him, he saw it when you two were together, he felt so warm from your gentle gaze, eyes softening for him and him alone.

xiao would forever choose you over him. every part of you. and he had. however, he still has to convince himself every day that breaking your heart was the correct thing to do, the best thing for you. why was what he felt important? being with him would only make you realise how short your life is, how unworthy he was. it would make you realise that you should never have thrown your life away for him. how that now that you had fallen for an adeptus, you would fear death. life would be painful for you, more so, every day.

he had told you all those things that he knew would hurt you that day so you would leave him behind.

xiao was barely content to have the two of you just staying as you were, as you are. no matter how he feels, his urge to hold you, kiss you, that is all irrelevant. even if there are days when he feels like he will die without your touch. he doesn't matter, at least not as much as you.

despite all this, he dreams that one day he can embrace you wholeheartedly.