Love Is Pain

Love and Pain

People keep telling me who I am. What they like about me. All the good things about me I've done. But along the years I've forgotten who I really am. Am I a good person or a bad person?
Am I the kind of person who will live alone with a cat or am I a person who will find that one special person who will love me for me. I've done a lot of wrongs and so little right. It's almost like I forgot what was right and started doing all the wrong things in life. The biggest thing I've done wrong was to hurt myself in a relationship where it hurt me so bad I started blaming the one I was with and so heartbroken I didn't want to say it's me that's at fault for what happened. But now I see that everything that happened was all my fault and actions leading up to my heartbroken.
I want to do what right but I think I got so broken hearted that I lost what love really is. I ask myself every day and night what is the real meaning of love and a relationship. I've always thought I've known but I was wrong every time. But now I think I know what love and relationship really is. It's about always being there for the one u love no matter what the problems u go through and to always be there for ur partner and to always keep them safe and to love them no matter what plus to listen to what they have to say even if u don't want to hear u have to support them for there choices.
I've said before that I may not me the smartest or anything in the world and that I have a big heart which is every true I do but I'm just scared of getting hurt again. Every time I let my guard down I end up getting hurt which leads into problems with the person I fall in love with. Love is around us all day and night u just have to find it. But u will only find it is if u really want it. U can't force it to come u have to wait for it to find u.
Everyone tells me that I will find that special person in life. I've thought I've found her but in the end I'm the one that gets hurt for my actions. Like that one sounds I can't remember the name to "I've loved and I hurt broken people down with words" it just means the people your used to love you hurt them by saying things you either did or didn't mean and it just bad and you hurt them. I've said a lot of things to people I used to love but I ended up either saying something I shouldn't or my actions for something horrible and ended up alone. You never know love until you have been hurt so bad it takes forever to heal where u cry everyday and night till the point where you want to cry but you can't cry no more.
Pain hurts so much it's almost trying to tell you just give up and be a loner but there's still that little part of love left in you that's saying to keep trying you can do this. But you also have your heart and mind telling you different things. But what do you listen to either the pain, love your mind or your heart. Every once days the heart knows what it wants. But sometimes the great can pick the wrong choices in life.
I may not be the guy everyone wants to be but I do things differently then at other guy in the world. All I want is to have u to myself. I would give up every I am to be urs. Oh it's time to give that love again after I got hurt. I've been on a long road.
But that road isn't a straight way to the happy ending. It has its turns with lots of speed bumps. I could choose to go around them or hit them but no matter what I do I still end up hitting them. In my head I'm calling u mine even thou ur not mine at all.There's no other one like u in the world I should know I've been looking.
This fire in me is still going but i don't know how much of this flame I can keep on. If ur going to love me please keep it lit up to shine to show I'm urs. But if ur going to not keep it lit let me know cuz that flame is dieing slowly. Loving u is something I want to try and do cuz it will be different then anything in the world. But with u this flame will stay lit with in my life.
So always have so much to tell u but there's no much I don't know if I should even say. All I'm trying to do is love u for who u are as a person and nothing more. Some things I want to say is I love u so much and that I will always be there for u thru sickness and health to take care of u. And some other things is that I want to tell u my past but I don't know what part of my past u would want to hear. I've been thru hell and I need help getting thru it all.
With u I feel like Im wanted and loved. I haven't had those feels of love in a while. I really think u are the queen I have been looking for but just could never find. Some time I feel like I fall in love more and more with u every day and night where I want to scream ur name on the tallest mountain in the world to let everyone know I'm in love with u. Yeah thses paragraphs are getting longer and longer but it's cuz u deserve all this love I can give and I still have more love put aside to give u in person once we meet.
A good percent of the day I only think of u. Only cuz u are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. Knowing u this week has been the best I could of ever asked for. I know I have a big heart and kindness and other things about me that u haven't seen yet will be good for u. I move fast to be with someone only cuz I'm tired of being alone.
But being alone with u I can already imagine it will be the best cuz all we would do is cuddle and watch a Disney movie and eat our favorite snack. You would pick the movie I would cook dinner. And after the movies we would still be cuddling and kissing each other until we fall asleep in each others arms. Imagining being raped I'm ur arms while we cuddled sounds amazing and warm and something I hope I get to be part of. I already can tell I will love u and want to be by ur side every day and night to love and hold u.