꧁𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡꧂

𝑁𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡

i gave you my everything.
my love.
my hope.
my dreams.
my tears.
my body.
damn near my life.
and then you go and treat me like i meant nothing to you.
making me seem crazy when i say " i love you."
making me seem sad and pathetic when i say " please, i'm begging you... don't go."
then i realized what we had wasn't love.
it was a power dynamic.
you got to use me and i got to feel like i was being loved.
i look out my window... then i see you jogging.
my heart sinks to my feet.
my jaw quivers and my body shakes slightly.
you.
no, i got rid of you.
you aren't in my life anymore.
why are you here.
i don't love you anymore.
leave.
me.
alone.
go away.
breathe...
it's okay.
i thank you because you are the reason i'm as strong as i am today.
thank you.
but that doesn't change what you did to me.
pathetic.
coward.
freak.
dumbass.
words that should've left my mouth but i didn't want to hurt you.
you sit down on a bench and i just stare at you.
a tear leaves my eye.
i am proud but disappointed.
i did it.
i got away.
but you.
you.
are.
still.
here,
alive.
tears roll down my face until i can no longer breathe as the salty water drowns me.
then and only then did i realize that everything wasn't what i had made it seem to be.
that i didn't do anything.
i loved you.
gave you my all.
it was never me.
it wasn't really you either,
we weren't meant to be.
" right people, wrong time "
drugs.
pain.
needles.
beer.
drunk.
tears.
yelling.
rage.
fear.
hopeless.
that was our relationship.
we drained it to the last drop.
we sipped every single sip.
and when it was done we still tried to drink.
but there was no more.
drained.
we drunk and drunk and drunk out of the bottle.
completely empty.
still hoping to get something.
but there was...
nothing left.

- a