At First Glance (Boy's Love)

CHAPTER TWELVE

The moment I came home, I threw myself immediately on the sofa. Normally, I would just go to my room to study and sleep but since I feel like I must hear some answers, I have no choice but to wait for that cockroach to go home.

My eyes blinked a multiple times when I couldn’t hear anything and that's when his face suddenly appeared on my mind. All of a sudden, I remembered how he looked at me with those eyes. It was not anger nor sad. It was just like how I first met him. His eyes reached my soul for somewhat reason but in that moment, I can’t read his mind. It was entirely closed.

My mind stopped thinking when I suddenly heard something. I then turned around when I heard the door clacking. Seems like she’s home.

“WOAH! Are my eyes deceiving me? 'Cause it looks like you really waited for me. That’s just way too impossible." She uttered surprisingly. She then came to me running with a smile on her face.

“I don’t want to actually wait for just some cockroach but for now, I have to.” I irritatingly replied.

“That’s sad. I was hoping for some character development.” She playfully replied. “So what do you want to ask? It’s obvious that you want to ask something, so what is it?” Sasha asked. She really knows me.

I hesitated a bit because I feel like she will just laugh at me if I ask this kind of question to her. “Uhm, you know.. its quite obvious, but..—“

“Wait! Gosh this is unbelievable! Did someone poison you or what?” She surprisingly cut me out.

“Sasha!” I yelled. This bitc—no cockroach. I think it's way more ok. She’s the one who’s being weird.

“Okay, sorry.” She laughed. "I can’t just believe that you are talking like that. I’m just not used to it bro. So again, what is it that you want to ask?” She asked again.

“Uhm, how do you know.. if you like someone?” I hesitantly asked. I know this is kinda obvious but there are questions that you just don’t want to answer by yourself. I want to hear it from her since she already experienced it. I didn’t even expected that someone would like her. He maybe has a poor taste. Poor him, just kidding.

I was surprised when she looked at me seriously. I can see a faint suspicious look in her face but that didn’t bother me. It was her reply that I was waiting for.

“It is when you always think of that person. It is when you want to see her every day and it is when you want her to be yours. You would want to protect her at all cost. You would want to lighten up her mood everytime she’s sad. You would want to comfort her when she’s in despair and you would want to ease the pain in her heart.” She deeply replied.

She smiled at me then left me feeling dumbfounded. I was lost in words. I was stunned by the fact that everything she said, all of that is something that I felt to him.

***

The next day, I went to my class late and my professor reached out to me saying that I shouldn’t be doing this since I’m now in college. How can you blame me professor. It was my eyes’s fault! This fucking eyes of mine didn’t even sleep. It just wandered around my room, looking at the ceiling last night. My eyes was so fuckin--no my eyes was incredibly a bastard.

“Hey Riech! Can you give this to Canov?” Deen asked out of nowhere.

“WHAT?!!” I yelled surprisingly. My classmates then looked at me in confusion on maybe why I was shouting. Some were even annoyed. I bowed my head a little, feeling embarrassed. I then immediately apologized. Why did I shout in the first place. Are you crazy Riech?

“Uhm Riech? Are you okay? Why did you uhm, shout?” Deen continuously asked. Her eyebrows met, looking at me with concern.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean that.” I let out an awkward smile.

“I was just stressed, maybe, uhm so what did you say again?” I continued.

”Can you give this folder to Canov? I forgot to give it to him last night.” She smiled.

Last night? So does that mean that they were together last night? Why would they be together? And why would I care? But as far as I know Canov only likes men. Did he became straight?! Is she the one who changed him? Why am I having this wild imaginations anyway?

“Uhm, are you his girlfriend?” I suddenly asked out of curiosity and it was unintentional. I immediately regretted it afterwards.

She let out a hysterical laugh. Am I wrong? “No, we are just cousins. Can you just give it to him now, I have to go.” She smiled and walked out still laughing. The fuc—that was really embarrassing.

I suddenly remembered what she asked. I wouldn’t dare to give this to him. “Wait!” I tried to call her but she’s too far now and it is impossible for her to hear me. I looked at the folder and sighed. I guess I have no choice. Why would I avoid him anyway?

I walked in the hallway, spacing out. What should I say? In what manner? What if he suddenly talked about what I said in the café? What if—my piled thoughts suddenly stopped when I bumped into someone. I closed my eyes for a while feeling a little bit dizzy. I then glanced unintentionally on his familiar wide chest and broad shoulders.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bu—“ My body froze. My feet couldn’t even move. It was like I was stuck inside the mud. The loud thump in my chest was so loud that it made me lost my sense of hearing. He then looked at me confusingly. I was not surprised by the fact that I bumped into him. Instead, I was surprised by his gaze. It is different from before. He changed. He raised his eyebrows and looked at me coldly.

“That’s my folder right?” He asked in a cold tone. I avoided his gaze. I can’t bare it. This isn’t him. He’s not the Canov that I know.

“Y-yes, h-here. Deen asked me to give it you.” I answered and handed it to him. He then grabbed it immediately and turned his back on me and he walked away silently. What was that?

I looked away and just didn’t look at him. That should be better right? This is the end since he definitely changed.

I shouldn’t be feeling this right? This is just so wrong but I still hated the fact that he looked at me like that.

It looks like he builded his walls up so high to the point of me having no space to enter and see that kind of version of him again.