A Question and Confession [JOHNLOCK]

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

I don't know what made him ask me that kind of question... but honestly, I am really happy right now. Oh, John. I thought you would never ask.

“Which is fine by the way – “

Don't sound so defensive, love.

“I know it's fine.” 

Yes, I do know it is fine. 

“So, you don't have a boyfriend then?”

John, obviously, I don't. I'm waiting for you.

“No.”

Not yet, actually.

“Okay. So... unattached. Like me. ”

Yes, I am. And hopefully, after this conversation with you, I won't be unattached anymore.

“Good.”

I think it's time for you to know what I truly feel.

“John, you should know that I consider myself married to my work– “

“No! No! I wasn't asking you out. No.”

No, don't reject me yet!

“John, you cut me off!”

“What?”

“John, you should listen to people, you know. Try not to cut them off. Try to – Oh, I'm getting nervous...”

“What are you saying, Sherlock?”

“John, listen. Just listen.”

Breathe in... deep. Breath out... whoo!

“What – “

“John...”

I should clear my throat first. I don't want my voice to crack. Okay, here we go...

“...you should know that I consider myself married to my work but I am ready to give it all up, divorce it, to marry you. I know you weren't asking me out but I am asking you out. Right now, right here. I know this is weird and shocking but I don't really care. I just want you to know that I want you to be a part of my life, Dr. John Watson. I want you to be in it. Please.”

Awkward silence.

He is wide-eyed, too much shock, I think. He opens his mouth and closes them again. Confusion. Unable to find the right words to say.
Was I really that direct?
Oh, I apologize. I just thought this might be a wonderful chance for me to say it... you know, with the candles, the romantic ambience of the restaurant, and there's Angelo who tried to help me out.

“John...”

“Is that why you didn't deny – ”

“You? Being my date? Yes. Because I consider this a date, and you, my partner.”

Yes, I came up with a brave answer again.

John leaned back on his chair, laughing. The smile on his face was too distracting. I cannot concentrate. I feel like I just have to cherish the moment and just forget everything. Forget the upcoming rejection and all the shit that it would make me feel.

Moving on! (I averted my gaze. John's too beautiful... and I want to look at him more, but I have to concentrate!)

The laugh might mean two things:

“Fuck you, Sherlock Holmes!”

or

“Yes, I'm okay with everything that you just said, Sherlock Holmes.”

Or maybe a surprise punch might land on my face right now. I do not know. John can be really unpredictable sometimes. 

There was silence again. John stopped laughing. He just sat there, looking at me. Looking right through my soul... and I felt like I just had to say something.

“John, I know it's a bit weird, but I just want you to know about what I really feel and – ”

“Sherlock...”

“Y-Yes?”

John was smiling. He was smiling! Oh, goodness! I shouldn't get my hopes up. He might stand up and reject me any minute now. I should just –

“You know what...”

“W-What...” I cleared my throat, “What is it John?”

He smiled.

“I am so glad I asked you that question.”