Every day is the same. Every action carries the same meaning as it did the day before. She uses her phone as a distraction fr the real world. She tries to make something different of her life, but her traumas subject her to feeling numb, lifeless, s...
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* I feels myself regain control of my body after a nights sleep, the alarm doesn't seem real yet- despite me hearing its nonstop musical harassment. I don't want to get up, I don't want to have to be an important asset to this world. But again, I can't miss school... so I "get up." I grab my phone right away in the morning, even though i read somewhere its not recommended. I can't even remember what I look at, I just fade away in an unreal world
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I scroll, and click, and watch. Its 7:20 am. Time isn't a real concept when your phone is automatically doing everything you ask it to, it's like your brain is so distracted, it's forgotten its fundamental job. After what seems to be 10 minutes, I get out of bed and try and start the morning. I try to be positive, I really do- but its hard to when you wake up in a negative environment you hate. Theres always worry in the smallest crevice of your thoughts. First I go to the bathroom, taking my phone along. I scroll on my phone as im sitting on the toilet. Even after im done, I still have all my attention on my phone. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking that this is just a teenage issue these days. I would agree, but it's not like I'm scrolling through all the unread texts I have from my friends, or looking at all the notifications I have from people liking my posts. I go on my phone because it's a distraction from the real world. I try and find some thing that makes me feel happy, and then I watch it. Its so depressing, especially when you catch yourself in the middle of the room doing nothing but looking at your phone. I finally put down my phone, and go to my room to get dressed. I open my closet door and feel the fabric of all my clothes trying to decide on the outfit of the day. I get an idea, maybe I can find ideas on the Internet. So, there I go again, mindlessly scrolling. Before you know it, I'm completely off of the subject about clothes and on to watching a video of a man pranking his friend in public. You see? Its ridiculous... but its real. To be honest, writing this story was a last minute decision. I was doing homework, and decided to look on Wattpad, I randomly thought it would be a good idea to write something to distract me from doing homework and spending time with someone I hate. Anyway, after being distracted by my phone, I felt angry at myself for wasting so much time. I out my phone down, covering with a blanket so I couldn't see it, and picked an outfit. After picking an outfit, I stared at myself in the mirror. I think to myself "would someone else wear this?" My mind draws an image from another girl's social media- her clothes sitting pretty on her body makes me doubt my own beauty. I rummage through my closet, wasting another 10 minutes of my time. Damn it. My room is now a mess, just because I was being indecisive and insecure. I put my school things together and I head out. I usually would brush my teeth before I go, but today I felt careless about my health.. careless about my body. As I walk out to my car, I grab my phone and open it out of habit. I sit in my car, find a song to put on Bluetooth, and look at my phone. I have an addiction. Im aware I don't have the best mental health, i know I deal with my problems in a toxic way.. but my phone is by-far the worst thing. For fuck sake, I cut myself, and I just said my phone addiction was worse. Its worse because it adds onto the numb feeling I already have. Cutting makes me feel something, but slaving over my phone makes me emotionless. I hate it, but its a norm now- I can hide it easily. I put down my phone, and start to drive to school. I don't text and drive, thank god. When I get to school, I go sit by my friends in the lunchroom and I read the room- everyone at that damn table is on their phone. I might as well join in, I let my phone steal my attention once more. Im so tired, I spent the last seven years staying up til 1 am on my phone. Two years worth of tired. As I walk to class, I space out. I can't remember what room im supposed to go to, i cant think. After almost being late, I make it to my class. The whole day runs on in a blur and before I know it, im back in my car on my way home. I like school, w get me wrong, its the repetition I cant stand. When I arrive home, I go straight to my room and "do my homework". I bet you can guess what I end up doing, ah yes, technology. I end up spending an hour or more on my phone, taking breaks in between each ad to do some homework. After that, I eat, watching television, and go to my room. Before going to sleep I usually stay up on my phone, but recently, I've been listening to music and drawing.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I draw nude people, drawing every curve of their small bodies makes me happy. This is the only way I can get away from the unreal world and take small dips into the real one. On weekends, I work at a hotel.. but that doesn't hold me back from taking small breaks to check my phone. After im done drawing, I set my alarm clock and put my phone away. It's tough sometimes, trying to sleep. I end up thinking of a question I've had, and I go to look it up on my phone- which makes me wonder on it some more. Now that im exhausted, I'll sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.
The next day
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* I feel myself regain control of my body after a nights sleep, the alarm doesn't seem real yet- despite me hearing its nonstop musical harassment.
