ShiVi: A Collection Of Short Stories.

living for you (drabble)

Day 152

I never knew diary writing could be so therapeutic. Maybe that's why you always wandered around with that diary of yours.

There are days when my heart pulls at it strings as I miss you. I crave to see you one last time. To touch you. To hold you in my arms. To talk to you about every small thing that happens in our life.

This is one of those days.

Today, Annika asked me where you went. I told her you've gone to visit your parents, and she asked me 'Where do Nanu and Nani stay?' So I pointed up at the stars and said 'Mumma really loves her mumma papa, so she's gone to visit them'

Her innocent 4 year old mind couldn't fathom the thought of you being away from us, so she asked me when you'll be back. It was so hard, I couldn't tell her that we'll never see you again. Instead, I brought your picture that I got framed for her, and said 'Mumma has travelled so far, it's difficult for her to come back. But, you can always speak to Mumma's picture, she'll be listening to you.'

I heard her speaking to your picture about her day in school, and how Samaira is not her best friend anymore, and how she wants to bake cookies all alone, without Papa's help.

It's hard without you. When Anu turned 4, and wanted to celebrate her birthday, Maa strictly said no, because it hadn't been long since you left.

Anu got so sad, but she didn't throw a tantrum, she simply went to her room. I went to check on her, but she was crying. 'Mote mote aansu ke tanker baha rahi thi' just like you. But I'm also her Papa, and my baccha never demanded anything or threw tantrums like other kids of her age.

She deserved her Moana themed princess birthday party. So we did just that!

The entire time, how I wished you were there to see the smile on her face, when we surprised her with the party. Her excitement while opening the gifts, her happiness on seeing her cake, it melted my heart to see our baby so happy.

She misses you. A lot. But she loves you just as much. Maybe even a notch more.

And me? You don't worry about me, I still love you just as much. I don't think I have it in me to love anyone else, as much as I loved you.

My jaan, I will always feel your void, your absence in my life. But, the memories you left behind for me are etched in my heart. Forever.

I know this is out of character for your Bhootnath, but dukh mein senti ho jaata hu, thoda seh lena.

Now, you may think that we are always sad from the way I'm writing. We aren't. We talk as if you never left, so it doesn't hurt as much as it used to in the initial days.

Every happy memory that we make, you are always there. Not physically, but I can always feel your presence. Always. And that is more than enough for me to live life.

I had promised you, I'll live my life for the three of us. And I'm doing just that. For us.

Missing you every day,
Chattan Pandya.