Return to Alfea

You are in Miss Dowling's arms and she has no idea how the hell she got into this situation.
No, okay; she does know.

You are Alfea's brightest graduate, and it didn't come as a surprise to Farah when one of your professors offered you an apprenticeship.
You had accepted, and at some point during autumn she had asked if you were interested in the Headmistress' assistant position.
She knows now that was a mistake. But how could she have guessed that spending more time with you would have awakened emotions that she hadn't felt in years?
Not that she is planning to act on her feelings, of course. That would be totally unprofessional. Not to mention that, even though you aren't her student anymore, you're still way younger than her. And, on top of things, her assistant.

At the moment, however, she is privately thinking that having you abandoned against her chest isn't exactly helping her resolution.

She knows you have had a bad day, everyone noticed; and a drop must have broken the vase. There is an official party going on in the main hall this evening, and no one had seen you for at least an hour.
She had found you on the balcony near her office, under the rain, while the storm was infuriating, messing up the tree tops and slamming the suites' shutters.
You had been trembling, because wearing party clothes to face a storm at the end of the solarian autumn is never a good idea.
You had been trembling and crying under the rain. She still isn't sure if the drops flowing on your face are tears or rain.
She had looked into your eyes, and she had understood that you had needed to be comforted.

So here she is, arms around you, her mind fully aware of the soft curves of your body pressed against her, arousal and terror fighting for dominance.

"Maybe you should go back to the party. Everyone was wondering where you were. And I'm sure there's more than one gentleman who would be very happy to distract you from these unfortunate thoughts about your bad day."
"Gentlemen? Who, the students? Please, they are just kids."
"They are around your age."
"I don't care about the party, anyway."
You look up and search for her eyes. "Headmistress... this is where I want to be. In your arms" you say softly before leaning forward and brushing your lips against hers.
You can feel her stiffen even more.

She gently pulls you away. Her body is protesting that your lips against hers are exactly what you both need, but she doesn't listen.

She will force herself to take her hands away from you. She will speak quietly and explain why this is not allowed; she will behave like a grown woman, a teacher, should do. She opens her mouth, but before she can say anything you blurt out: "I love you, Farah." 

You see her fists clenching.

"You... are not in love with me" she says, and her tone is as hard as the rock you feel your heart has become. "You are in love with the idea you have of me... and it's a pretty edulcorated idea. You are a kid, and I was your teacher until a few months ago."
"Headmistress... no. Farah," you begin "I have waited, because I knew it would have been a problem for you. Me being a student, I mean. And even now that I am not, believe me, I don't expect you to return my feelings. But... please, don't say I don't love you."
"I think I should find a new assistant" is her only reply.
Hard, merciless. There is no other way. Either this, or she will give in and tell you that she is crazy in love with you, unacceptable as that is.
"No!" you reply, desperate. "Please! You know how much I enjoy helping you!"
"I'm sorry, but given the circumstances it wouldn't be-"

She pauses, and after a few seconds you complete for her: "Appropriate. I know."

--

The rest of the year passess quickly.
Farah is always kind, but distant; and she barely speaks with you, anyway.
Your apprenticeship tutor asks repeatedly why your light has gone out; but you never answer. You're studying as hard as ever, if not harder; so, after a while, he stops asking.
As soon as the school year is at its end and your apprenticeship is succesfully concluded you leave for Linfea.
You search for a job there, trying to build a new life and forget Farah Dowling. She didn't even say anything to you about your apprenticeship, beyond the official congratulations in front of everybody.
Then, a year later, your ex tutor invites you to Alfea to give a lecture to his advanced class. You take time, but after a lot of thinking you decide that you have to go.
You don't want to disappoint him; and it will do you good to see Farah after all this time. Maybe meeting her could finally end these ridiculous feelings that you still have for her.
You don't see her when you arrive at the school, and you don't know if you're relieved or disappointed.