Chains

On my way to work, I always see everyone in a fuss to get somewhere. Work, home, or the grocery store, people always moving so quickly. And every day on that way to work, I can't help how their chains way them down. You see, everyone is wearing chains. Some are thin and some are seemingly too thick to carry. Reading the chains tells me all I need to know. They're chained to their job or their health insurance. They're changed to a sick relative or student loans. Every child is born without a chain or a care in the world. Parents can't help but hope they'll stay safe from hardship the rest of their life. However, one day the chains appear. Some sooner than later. An ice cream falls on the ground or a kid hears his parents argue for the first time. A chain will appear to the heartbreak of the parents. Chains will change and chains will break, but no one is ever without a chain since the day they grow their first. Chains are just another thing that become normal. One more burden to add to everyday life. Something I've never understood about the chains is how so many people are weighed down by that special someone. Too often it seems relationships are the biggest chain on a person that makes them that more closer to being too heavy to carry. I've never been in a relationship before, not really. Of course, I've had my high school sweet hearts and a few dates from the office, but love is something I've never had the time or the money for. Love was for the financially secure I would often tell myself. For the successful and ready. One day I'd be ready but work was my focus right now or else, it was. You see two days ago I went on with my regular routine. Wake up, go to work, come home, eat and maybe go out for a drink with my mates every weekend. Nothing usually changes, but this time it did. See I live with a roommate that is known for his constant dating and heartbreaking. It's gotten him into trouble more than once. That night he was preying on a young girl who had the misfortune of being taken in by his charm. After they got done doing they're business, there was a knock at the door. I opened it too reveal a woman barely younger than I was wearing a black skirt with a white blouse. She told me that her friend told her that she was here. I told her in return that she was passed out at the moment with my roommate and that she was welcome to stay and wait until she came to. She was quite different. Her chains were almost too small to be seen as weighing her down. She could have said they were for fashion and it wouldn't seem unnatural. My chains were thick around my wrists. Everyday I had to read them. "Money." "Job." "Loneliness." As much as I would like to change it, these were the chains that weighed me down. To keep my mind off my chains, I usually put in a movie. This time it was a comedy from my childhood, the kind my mother wouldn't want me to see. She and I had quite the time with the movie. Eventually her friend did wake up and she helped her out. Before she left I asked her her name. She reached into her purse and scribbled something down. She then left without another word. I looked down at the paper. "Summer" and then her phone number and a request to send her a message as soon as possible. I pulled out my phone from my pocket, rattling my heavy chains as a did. As I out the phone back in my pocket, the chains felt just a bit lighter. Without a minutes delay, I received a notification telling me she was on her way to her hotel and that she would text me when she wasn't driving. I tried to pass the time with my movie, but without her, it suddenly felt empty. I got her message ten minutes later and we stayed up almost till sunrise messaging. If tomorrow was a Monday I would be screwed, but luck would have it to be Sunday. Bright and early, I got a message asking if it wasn't too early to visit. I told her to hurry her way down here and she was at the door soon after. That day we watched an unhealthy amount of old movies. It was a whole new experience to simply have someone on the couch next to me to share space with. And for a day, I felt the happiest I felt since I was a child. That night I followed her back to her hotel. What happened next wasn't my intention, but not anything to object to. After shagging, we were huddled together in a bed, discussing idle things until she looked at me deeply. I could see her chains weigh on her. The words "Love," "Loneliness," and "Heartache" began to almost strangle her with their weight. I got to see what harm I could do by loving her. She told me she was in town visiting her friends and she would be leaving soon, back to the other side of the country. All I could do then was look at the ceiling. The swirls reminding me off a sea of clouds. I looked back down at her at told her she had given me something I could never pay her back. The next morning she was gone and I was on my way to work. And now, as I look up at the clouds soaring by me above, I'm reminded of the hotel ceiling and more importantly, of her. I can still see the chains of others. The worries that keep them up when they want to sleep. And when I look at them, I'm reminded of what I did to her. Because of me, her chains are heavier. I'll live with that guilt forever, and when I look at all the people with relationships weighing them down by the throat, I remember her. The laughs we shared together. The love we had in such a short time. The happy feelings I never knew I could have. And for the briefest of moments, every single ounce of the chains weight seems to completely and utterly disappear. I get to look down and feel free once again. However, not a moment later, I feel the chains of guilt weigh down on me once more. I can't tell what's worse from the situation. Knowing I've hurt her or knowing I'll never get to make it up. Every day I think of her, wondering If it's fair to message her saying how much I miss her. Every time I think of her a sea of warm memories flood over me, but the bitterness of knowing I'll never get to love her the way I want to comes back to me. But hey, I suppose that's just love.